I belong with you / you belong with me / You my sweet heart.

It is boiling down to my last day up here for a while. These will be the last few hours I am back home.

I’m here, in my usual away from my usual typing away, collecting whatever thoughts that are streaming in my head and trying to figure out what to do when I get back home.

There are some big decisions to make, assuming that I follow through with them. Maybe I’ll eventually calm down and just think reasonably and not do anything at all; just let things play out and play it by ear then.

* * *

It’s the typical Pacific Northwest day today; overcast and cool. The gray paints the city with an ambivalence of noncommittance. The day, life, decisions can go either way. It can lean towards the positive or the negative.

The day isn’t going to commit. It is leaving everything up to the user. Life.

Staring out the window, collecting my thoughts, I see the slight glimmer of the things to come. It may be quite all right. Things have a habit of working out in the end. It’s just a matter of how patient you are.

Life is a test of one’s patience. Everyone plays the game, but not everyone make it.

How patient are you?

* * *

A Thousand Years

Family.

I’ll love them for a thousand years and for a thousand more.

I actually did enjoy my time with family this weekend, especially with all the kids running around and just sitting around shooting the shit with my cousins.

I’m sad that my brother didn’t join in, sitting there, a little bored, hesitant to join in or just didn’t want to. I don’t know. It’s family. He never had problems socializing with family before.

But overall, it was good.

It’s funny to hear the compliments that one of my cousin’s wife gave me. She, in different verbiage, said that I was the best looking “Ho” in the family and that I am single.

Everyone just seems like they want to set me up. It’s just a little funny, but I can understand. It is what it is.

Everyone wants to meddle.

Things are changing. I can feel it. I can just taste it. The anticipation is building up.

Maybe that is what last year was about, the inevitable changes that I am going to have to go through. I was getting too comfortable and life is going to change. I’m just preparing myself for it.

Things are changing.

Times are a changin’

It’s just a matter of waiting and seeing where things go, whether it is me sitting back and going with the flow or me just taking life by the reins and going with it.

* * *

It’s coming. Just a little under three months. It’s coming.

I don’t know how I am going to feel about it. I really can’t say.

I would like to think that the day would come and I’ll just not realize it; that life would just go on as usual, nothing on my mind but the day at hand.

But I don’t know.

I haven’t seen him in my dreams as of late. But I still think he’s around. He’s always there, influencing me in some way or another.

10 years. Whoosh. 10 years.