On this last day of the year, I spend it like I normally would on a day off. I am here typing my life away, documenting the thoughts and feelings that cloud my mind, flooding of words out of my fingers, typing into the ether.

I spend it like I normally would.

Time is drawing to a close.

I have written my goodbye and am looking forward to what the new year will bring. The new memories that I’ll make. The new things about myself that I will find.

The new year will be a blank canvas awaiting me to paint my masterpiece. The control is mine. The decision is mine.

I just need to paint it with conviction.

* * *

Words.

They are all that I have.

Words.

They comfort me. They understand me.

They get me.

Words.

My how I have grown to love these little letters and punctuations. They were once a dreaded tour, but now I devour them because they are a life force.

They make me feel alive, they make me feel. They give me genuine emotions, tugging at my easily manipulated heart strings.

Words.

My drug of choice.

* * *

My ambitions are running wild. My head is spinning with ideas on how I can write a novella or a novel. The essence of the story is just swimming in my head, waiting for me to pluck it out and organize them.

It won’t be a standard structure or narrative. It’ll be something that jumps around with a running string that ties everything together.

I just need to focus on it, to write it out.

I just need to be good about it and stop dicking around and watch too much TV. My year should be filled with projects of writing and photography. It should be a busy year of productivity instead of the flatted year of procrastination.

* * *

There’s a woman here, coming in all huffing and puffing with a purpose. She sits next to me and then decides to change to another table.

She’s quiet as she sets up her laptop, doing whatever it is that she’s doing. She fires it up and places her order for her boba milk tea.

Normally a girl like her would generally not hold my attention. I looked her over and decided that was enough of that from me for her, but something draws me in.

She, Jordan — why not? sits there with her sunglasses on, writing.

Maybe she has very sensitive eyes and she needs the sunglasses to dampen the brightness of her laptop screen. Staring at the laptop for too long causes migraines.

I’m curious now what it is that she’s working on. Is it a story, a blog, screenplay, or something more in the vein of work? This is her office? Maybe.

I don’t know.

* * *

Today’s words are just time suckers. They have no value, just words that come to me as I try to pass the time, to be out of my house, to enjoy the outside world, to do what it is that I usually need to do.

Today is something new for me as I sit here trying to collect my thoughts for my usual year end bah humbug to all, on the day of Bah Humbuggedness. I sit here in a different spot, in this awkward window without my usual Boba Girls to gawk at, typing away about the year that was.

I sit here at Starbucks typing away on a day which I’m usually traveling instead of home. Different indeed.

So, to just get into the spirit and the mood, here it is, my bah humbug to all. Bah Humbug.

* * *

Maybe it is that I’m getting older and with age goes one’s memory, but trying to think back about the year, especially the beginning, it just seems that I have forgotten much of it. Maybe it is that my life has been so wrought with the mundane and the routines that they all bleed together. Nothing really sticks out to me this year. Nothing really gives me that umph for this year.

Thinking about it, on a whole, it was unlike any other year. It’s been a year of ups and downs. It’s been a year of triumphs and of failures. It’s just been another year.

But for me, what stands out for me about this year is this dreaded feeling of change. It wasn’t that changed happened perse, but that dreaded feeling of the need for change. I have coined it my Mid-Life, or midlife crisis. It definitely felt that way. It still feels that way.

I don’t know what brought it on though. Thinking back, I definitely had feelings of a need for change, or that something was just off about me ever since I got back from the epic road trip I did last year, 2011. Everything just felt off. My Spidey senses were tingling. I was just being super sensitive about myself and my surroundings.

Maybe a lot of things from last year just carried over in my thoughts. The feelings I felt with Ms. D when I asked her out during the break last year and what transpired. After I made the decision to just move on, not to see her as frequently as I did before and to not be contacting her so much

In a way, it half worked. I didn’t go visit her as often as I normally would. One form of contact stopped and another one started. I started to email her more frequently, passing her links and what not.

I guess in a way, I can’t just quit cold turkey and I just needed to take my time with it. Maybe, it was in the right step and I’m just seeing it in a different way, interpreting it in a different way.

Maybe.

But for sure, the year started off with that weighing over me, as I went back to work, trying to keep to my promise to just not visit her as often.

But even then, as I’m still friendly with her, as we are still friends, I still felt the desire to change.

* * *

What brought on this midlife of mine? I don’t know.

In a way, I guess I do. I need to grow up. I need to make a decision and maybe it is that I am ready to go out, to find someone to fill that void in my life, to bring me back into the world. It’s not that I am completely detached from the world. It’s not that I need that sort of companionship, but in a way I do. I want that. I miss that.

I think it is that I am not getting any younger. If I am to start a family, I need to make some changes. I need to grow up a little bit more. Stop being this big kid, this man child, which I feel that I am. I am just a selfish big kid who’s only worrying about and taking care of himself. I need to grow up.

I think ultimately that is what it is.

It is time and I really do need to make that change. I need to take action.

I kind of started to make this progress to be a better man, a better person, a more mature grown up me.

I started to think about how I dress. I started to stop wearing my comfortable t-shirts and to wear more button ups. I started to dress like a grown up. I still have a long ways to go, but it is a small start. Little steps. Change and revolutions starts with one simple action. That is my action.

* * *

This midlife of mine has been constantly hounding me the whole year. There’s no shaking it. I just have to make these whatever changes I need to make and just hope that I finally am able to accept myself as changed enough where this feeling goes away.

I don’t know if there is a connection between this midlife of mine and this constant fatigue that I have been feeling. My doctor says that I am stressed and she may be right.

In a way, I have been really stressed with work this year. My responsibilities haven’t changed. My skillset has since I’m learning a lot of new things this year. It’s just maybe I am more reliant on other people this year to get my work done and it is taking a long time for me to finish my projects. I hate that.

I don’t’ know how to cope with that, being so reliant on other people. Work. Stress.

But hopefully things will get better as I’m about to close a few of my projects. Hopefully things will look brighter on the new year.

It already does feel that way.

There’s still a part of me that think it is environmental.

I don’t remember whether this fatigue feeling started before or after my birthday, but I know that I felt great during my trip to Arizona for my birthday trip. My annual road trip home was awesome. I felt great! But it could be the things that I have been doing also. I was more active than my usual daily routine.

I was not really thinking about work but thinking about what I’m doing at that moment.

So maybe I just need to agree that it may be both. Work is stressing me out and I need to exercise.

Changes I need to make come the new year. So many changes that I need to make.

But in a way I guess that is the point that I keep stressing. Push yourself to be a better person. Push yourself to do better. Push yourself to find the greater you, the better you.

Maybe this midlife is really telling me that it is time. I have been comfortable with the life I live and with how things are in my life and who I am for far too long. I need to make that change, to push myself be better.

Just maybe.

* * *

2012.

The year of the apocalypse. The year of the end.

Funny. How fitting if you think about it.

It’s been a bad year for me. It’s gotten to the point where it feels like it is the end of an era for me. The end of the phase of comfortableness. The end of my Odyssey years. The end of this grownup childhood of mine.

It is time for a new beginning.

It is time to start living.

* * *

2012.

The year of transition.

Looking back, it just seems that a lot has happened this year. Many firsts.

Thinking back to the very first day of the year, sitting at Volcano, doing whatever it is that I do, being interrupted by that crazy girl who was definitely high on something. It was just interesting as I was just sitting there starting a conversation with her.

I know I am definitely not as antisocial as I make myself out to be, that I am actually capable of holding a conversation, that I am a very interesting and charming person, well minus the charming part. I can definitely do whatever it is that I need to do to make friends and talk to people.

It just seems I did a lot of that this year. Still not as much in the grand scope of things, but I’m able to do it.

I do have to say, sitting there, listening to this crazy girl regaling her story to him and thinking the whole time how crazy this girl is, it was something that was easy.

Maybe I was just going off of the energy of how last year’s Holiday party went. A first for me where I didn’t need a social buffer. I was fine on my own.

In a way it was a very different start to a New Year. Craziness. Maybe it was something telling about the year to come, a high and crazy new year filled with highs and lows.

* * *

Highs.

In a way there were many firsts and highs to go along with the lows this year.

Finally went out with Ms. D on our own. Asked her to lunch for DineLA and eventually we finally ended up watching a movie. Liberal Arts. Great movie by the way. Trying to feel it out but I don’t know. When it comes to her my judgment is always cloudy. I can never tell what it is that is happening. Such an enigma.

From emails to lunch to movie(s), and eventually to just off hours convos over text. Again, I can never tell what it is and I’m done. Enough is enough.

I’m done feeling this way. She knows how I feel and I don’t think it is working.

Time to move on.

Enough.

As I drift slowly away, my affections do what it does and it wanders and lingers and finds new infatuations and lusts and just obsessions and crushes. It always does. The story of my life.

From the Non-Alcoholic Virgin and our convos and what not to just other girls that I’ve met along the way.

With some girls it’s been very easy to move on as I see what it is that is going on around me. B5 was an easy one. But that one was more of the fact that she’s so young and deserves someone much younger than me. I’m happy that she may have found that someone….if it is actually happening.

Ultimately in the end, the lesson is for me to just act. To just do. It is simply to just ask and see what happens.

With these new connections there are some strained ones. It’s not a typical me year if I didn’t hurt any feelings or burn any bridges and it just seems that I just did that.

Maybe I shouldn’t have thrown him under the bus, but he was not holding up his part of the deal. He wasn’t doing what it is that he needed to do and it was affecting my work and fuck that.

I’m okay with it ’cause he needs to just grow up and start taking responsibility for what he needs to do.

Things with the old crush is in a way weird. From our small little make outs to just hanging out. In a way, I thought we might be able to go a little further and there might still be hope for that, but in the long run, I don’t see any of it happening. I don’t know, but I just don’t know.

Maybe she is the “education” that was fortuned out to me, but no.

Maybe I am just too picky and I need to stop doing that.

Just maybe.

* * *

Travels.

Like any year, traveling is always a must.

This year is no different as I traveled for both pleasure and for work.

Work brought me to Atlanta, Portland, Denver, and Dallas this year. Two new cities and two old familiars. In each I got to explore, to set my feet wandering, to do what it does best, go forth and explore.

All of these trips were great strictly for those reasons. The exploring. The sightseeing. The just being and doing. I get my work done and just go out and play. That’s the point. I get my work done.

My personal trips were great as well.

It started with my yearly bday trip. This year I thought of revisiting the Grand Canyon again and I did just that. I spent a few more days to explore other parts of Arizona and it was totally worth it. It was definitely a birthday trip to remember. The drive back was just simply amazing. Passing through Sedona and seeing the utter beauty of the city and the landscapes. I’m just glad that I got a chance to see it, to witness it and seeing all of the different little monuments and sights along the way.

Pickles seemed to enjoyed his time on the road too, grant it that his poor paws were sore from all the hiking that we did. We did 20 miles the first day at the Grand Canyon. Walking to the almost end. Simply amazing.

The next trip is my usual road trip pilgrimage home and I did a little extra as I stopped by and visited family along the way. From visiting Gifu and Sister in Fresno, to stopping by the bay area, exploring San Francisco with Pickles to seeing my cousin and Big Auntie. Everyone was so accommodating for the both of us. I am truly blessed to have such a great family.

Then the trip just happened. I’ve explored places that I never explored before even though I grew up there. I had my little walkabouts and hiking trips.

Lake Serene and Lake Crescent. Just in awe by the beauty of the Northwest.

I got to spend a lot of time with my younger cousins, bonding with them, taking an active interest in their lives, hearing how they have just fit in perfectly in the American way. I still remember the first day I’ve met them 10 years ago. All of them are huddled together on the sofa watching TV.

It’s just a wonder to see them grow up. It’s nice.

Traveling. Road trips.

Definite musts in my life.

Definite. No doubts.

* * *

Creative.

This year has been tough for me on this front. I took a break from my usual screenwriting and decided to write more prose.

I had many friends just give me writing prompts to do and I did a few and I still have many outstanding.

My main problem this year has been this lack of focus on my part. I couldn’t think. My mind just wanders. Focus was lacking. I blamed the midlife and it could be it.

But of the ones I did finish. Many of them I enjoyed. Some I thought were good and others weren’t as much, but I did finish.

I’m still a little apathetic with the script that I am collaborating on, but that is just me. Collaborating isn’t my cup of tea and I’ve been totally slacking on it. Hopefully things will change.

I also did the 48 Hour Film Project this year.

It was definitely something exciting. I had a lot of fun doing it. I never worked so hard on something creative before. I never worked so hard with so many people before. It was fun and I’m glad I did it.

Definitely.

We didn’t win anything and that is unfortunately, but I made it. I shot a film in 48 hours. Hopefully the next time we do it, if we ever do, it’ll be something better.

* * *

2012

Expanding the mind.

I feel a little ambivalent with this this past year.

Though I beat my GoodReads book challenge and read over my allotted 50 books this year (albeit I listened to many of them and read one or two short stories and comic books that counted towards it) but I over did it and that should count for something. I still have a few more days left to cram in a few more books.

I feel good. I read many good books this year and John Green’s The Fault In Our Stars definitely is my favorite of the year, but there were many others. Gone Girl is definitely on that favorites list too.

Along with this much reading, it took away time away from writing.

My photography didn’t go anywhere this year. Maybe I am just bored, even though I got a brand new nifty camera, but maybe I was just burned out. Hopefully the new year and the new 365 project will bring forth new inspiration.

I did some of my usual stuff on my trips and what not and many of them are actually good shots. Many new night photography of Seattle and a few photowalks with Photography Chick, but that’s it.

One thing that I did work on was more studio photography, especially studio portraits. I did some self-portraits and they turned out well. It is definitely something that I need to focus on.

Along with these comes the couch potato in me. I’ve been watching a lot of TV and now a lot of YouTube. Many of these are very interesting BookTube and some actual interesting stuff but others are just fluff, fails and wins of the internet.

They are definitely time suckers.

Hopefully I can come to a scheduled plan on how to handle things next year.

I still have no idea what I am going to do, but things need to change.

* * *

2012.

In a way it was no different from any year. Lots of traveling and different minor changes and just a general year of overall progress.

It is a year filled with ups and that dreaded down of that is my midlife.

But to think it over, if I take away that one big one, that dreaded midlife, 2012 has been a pretty good year. It’s been a great year.

But it isn’t me if I didn’t bitch about something.

It’s a year of growth and change. It’s a year of many firsts and hopefully a few lasts.

It’s a year to be remembered and reflected on.

2012 is drawing to a close and hopefully it will prepare me to the many new first and few lasts that are to come.

I having a feeling I forgot some things as I’m sure I have with my memory as I am getting older, but I’m sure things will come back to me like they always will.

So, with a bah humbug I bid you adieu 2012. I bid you a nice goodbye.

2013, bring it on.

Give me your bests.

Joy.

Maybe there is that sense of release that has come to me as of late.

It is just a feeling that just came recently, within the week…maybe. Maybe it has finally happened, the soft release of the heart.

Maybe it is done and done gone and gone as it should have been for a long time.

Maybe it is just time. It has to be and I think it is.

* * *

I’m just sitting here in this boba shop trying to come to terms with the words in my head. I’m trying to figure out how to come to terms with the things that are going on in my life, the things that pull me this way and that way.

Eventually I just come to realize that I just need to take that leap of faith and cut those ties, cut those strings so I can’t be pulled any which direction anymore. I just have to fly high, untethered, free of anything.

Free flying. Just flying free from anything that can tie me down, ground me into the lowness that I have been feeling for a bit.

I just need to stop.

Hopefully I finally did it.

Hopefully it is done and done.

Hopefully.

* * *

Picking up the pieces wherever they may fall. Picking up the chunks wherever they may plop.

I’m just picking things up and piecing them back together again.

* * *

Another day another start.

Another time, another feeling. Anotherness that I things are going to be whatever it is going to be.

Whatever happens will happen and I have the choice to act upon it the way that I choose to. Everything is within my power. I choose how I want to feel. I choose how I want to live my life.

Life is my choice.

I need to stop letting this proverbial destiny get in my way. It is time for fate to take a backseat to my active planning, my active living.

It is time to be active and to live and be. It is time.

* * *

We are coming to the final week of the world. The last week of all humanity’s existence.

The last week according to the Mayan calendar.

What will happen on that fateful day, the 21st? I don’t know, but if it does happen, what will I do?

I had this discussion with Ms. D a few years back. The end of the world scenario, a stray asteroid heading on a crash course for Earth, an ELE. What are you going to do?

Will I seek for a friend at the end of the world? Will I try to find the love of my life and declare my love for her at the final last minutes of everyone’s life just so I lived my life without having that final regret of never telling her?

I don’t know.

Life then would be general chaos. All infrastructure and civility will be down. Judging by any apocalyptic movies, the roads would be packed with people and cars trying to get out of the dying city; them hoping that they can just survive a little bit longer than everyone else.

No planes. No roads. Just back to the olden times of a man and his feet, walking to wherever his destination is.

What would I do?

If the phones and internet work, I’ll update a quick status, thanking eveyone, telling them I love them.

I’ll call mom and my brother just to talk to them one last time, to tell them that I love them. It’s all I can do. I can’t drive home nor fly. I can at least give them a call and hope that when the time comes for them, it’ll be without suffering.

Then what? I can’t go to the mountains with my dog to go hiking and spend the rest of my time up there, with the one thing in my life that I love. I’ll walk to the beach.

I love the beach, but it’s just always too crowded for me. I’ll just walk and sit, listening to the waves crashing onto the sandy beach like any other day. I would just sit and watch the world waste away.

I’ll let my dog run wild chasing the birds, getting his little paws wet in the salty ocean. He would have fun and I would be happy just watching him.

That’s all I can do.

It’s the apocalypse after all.

* * *

But will the apocalypse actually happen? I really don’t think so.

Life will go on as it will always definitely will. Time will tick its steady tock, marching along without missing a beat.

If there is no one alive to keep track of time, does time still march on?

It definitely will.

* * *

It is approaching that time again as I noted before.

It’ll be that time when I collect my thoughts and think about the year that had transpired.

This year hasn’t been the easiest year for me. This year most definitely hasn’t been a good year, but there were many great things that happened during the year; midlife-crisis be damned.

Hopefully, just hopefully I’ll be able to collect my thoughts and capture the essence of this past year and how it made me feel.

I know that if I look back at what I have written in this empty void of mine, it’ll just be wandering listless lost ramblings of a man who can’t bring forth any focus to his writings, who can’t think of the proper words to say.

Looking back now, thinking back, I don’t really remember what it is that happened this year. This year, like most years went by in a blur.

All that I remember is the impending feeling that something is off. That urge that I need to change my life. That definite push that I need to finally act and grow up and make a decision as to what I want.

That was the theme this year. That I am tired and I need to stop being indecisive and I just need to push on, make a decision and move forward with my life.

It was a year of everything rebelling. My body. My mind.

All was screaming to focus, to get energy to just work and plow ahead and just live.

It has been stagnate for too long. It is tired of waiting, of hoping for things to just happen and I am the reason that things aren’t happening.

I am just holding myself back; afraid to tap into my full potential, to be the man that I know I can be.

What is it that is holding me back? Not living up to those expectations that people have of me? Not reaching that full potential, or reaching it realizing that it is nowhere close to what people thought it would be?

It could be. That was how it was with my parent’s expectations of me, always wanting me to do better, do great and when I do, it is never enough.

It was that debilitating pressures, though slight, that affected me so much in high school. Is the same thing happening again?

It could be. Even though my father is gone and my mom is happy to know that I am alive and sees what kind of man I am, I am still living up to the expectations of myself in my own head.

It’s a sick game, never being happy with what I have, and always expecting something more something better when all I have is good enough for most everyone in the world.

What is wrong with me?

It’s a sickness for sure.

Moving on.

Growing up.

* * *

Stories.

Thought movies.

I need to get on them since I have so many assignments outstanding.

I need to get back to the creative spirit that I am so unfamiliar with nowadays.

I need to get those juices boiling, that drive to create, to put words onto paper to make a something that can move me.

I need to do it.

Writings.

Stories.

I need to sit down and focus so I can work on other things.

I need projects. I need distractions.

* * *

Lin came into the shop a few minutes late; walking with the little gait that one gets when they are trying to rush but not full out run to get to where they needed to get to. She came bustling in glancing at the clock on the wall, ten minutes late.

The other girls didn’t seem to mind as the day was just beginning and I was the only customer in here and I was already taken care of.

I’ve known Lin for a while now, ever since she started to work here about two years ago as I have been coming here for the past seven years doing whatever it is that I do here. It would seem that ever weekend morning I would come into the shop and she’ll be right there behind the register ready to take my order. Now it had gotten to the point where she already had my drink ready to go before I get into the store.

I’m a regular and she remembered. She would give me a small discount also. It isn’t much, but it is the thought that counts.

It’s not just her thoughtfulness that had her burned into my mind. The fact that she’s cute helped also.

She speaks softly, a little shy as she’s insecure about her poor English, but it doesn’t bother me. I’d try and get a conversation started but it always fail and we’ll just end up saying our Hi’s and Goodbyes and just call it a day.

There’s not much I know about her. I think I saw her boyfriend a long time ago and I have no idea whether they are still an item are not. He was your typical Hong Kongnese or Taiwanese stylish hipster with the wild hair and wild attire.

That is something that I could never be for I am just too classical American to be so flashy.

Maybe I am just selling myself short and that there might something there. Maybe just a little inkling hence the small discount and the even shy interactions.

She worked behind the counter with a quiet disposition. Lin would take whatever orders and make whatever drinks that are ordered and did her best to be friendly given that some of these customers aren’t so friendly.

I wonder from time to time what her story might be. I try to piece together a backstory for her, trying to figure out what her motivation is, her drive, her ambitions but nothing comes to fruition. Anything that I would think of would only be just a fantasy of me trying to fit her into a nice tiny little box.

Maybe that is all I need to do, put her in a nice tiny little box.

* * *

The tiny box.

Young and innocent with the bright eyed naiveté of someone who wants to see the world. Everything is a wonder for her. Everything.

She grew up not with the privileges that many of us are accustomed to. Lin, like many who is working here grew up in a middle-class family from Taiwan. Her middle-class parents works hard in whatever it is that they do providing her Lin and her little sister and for the most part, growing up and for her parents that is enough. That is the lifestyle that many strive for and can never have, but she does, but like many others, Lin wanted more.

As she graduated the equivalent of High School in Taiwan she wanted a change, to break away from the mold that she’s so familiar with. She decided to study abroad. She applied for a student visa and came down to the culture shock that is sunny Los Angeles.

Here she’s going to the local small college and got the first job that she can get. Most of her paperwork is in order but not all, so her options are limited. She can only get this, paid under the table. She doesn’t mind.

The owner speaks Mandarin and so does she, so there’s that familiarity that she can deal with.

She’ll schedule her work schedule around her school schedule and often times picking up the late night shift just to make enough money to make ends meet. Working here she made a few friends with the other girls that work here, often times hanging out with them.

Soon she feels that she has a place here, going out with this new family that she’s made on her own and eventually meeting someone that can make her smile and laugh.

Eventually her heart flutters with the life that she made for herself here. School is going well, the job is going well and the relationship, maybe is going well. Lin doesn’t want to leave this new life whenever she graduates or when her visa expires, whichever first.

But Lin tries to make the best of it, trying to not let the stress take her down. But sometimes it gets too much and it drains her breaking it down.

Soon all she wants to do is to sleep off the stress, unmotivated to go out. Her boyfriend gets on her case about that, telling her to stop, slow down and maybe quit her job and let him take care of her.

Lin couldn’t do that. Her parents are her heroes, each showing their love by providing and working hard to provide for their family. She wants to do that, to be able to provide, to be independent and be able to take care of herself.

The relationship is strained. Fights went from civil to nasty and Lin just had enough. She needed and escape and soon it’s over.

All she has left now was school, her friends that she made, and whatever hobbies that she does to destress.

That’s all that she can manage to keep the nasty thoughts and stress out of her mind.

Throughout everything she lost her wide-eyed naiveté that she had and a little of her innocence too. The troubles had rubbed away some of her shine and she just needed something to buff out some of the dullness to make her shine again.

Maybe her usual customer that comes in on the weekend is just the answer to her issues, she hopes. If only she can figure out how to speak to him, to be able to get over her insecurities and shyness.

It’s approaching that time of the year for me again. It’s that time of the year where I’ll take a break from everything and just write and jot down my thoughts about the year. It’s about that time when I need to just write down my diatribes and my yearly bah humbug.

It is approaching a time for a new year, a new life.

It is approaching the time for a much needed change.

It is time.

It has to be.

I need a change in my life, a drastic change in my life. It is a matter of needing something more, something different than this this I am living.

It is time.

* * *

Life is running away from me.

Life is just sprinting down the field without a destination and the finish line just seems further and further away. It’s unreachable and I’m tiring out.

I’m going to lose this race, if there is a purpose to this race at all.

What is the end goal?

What is the purpose of anything, if at all?

I’m an existentialist. This is life. It is just this.

There is nothing much to it. Live life the best you can. Live life the happiest that you can.

It is what you make of it. It is what it is. Just do it and shut up.

Just shut up and live it.

The control is in your hand. You just have to be positive. Say Yes.

YES.

That’ll be my new word. That’ll be my new attitude.

YES.

YES.

SI.

* * *

It’s cold.

The air conditioner beats down on me, freezing me down to the core.

I put up my hoodie to warm it. On and off. On and off.

The constant schizophrenia of the air conditioner is wreaking havoc on my focus, but I guess it is welcome distraction to this wandering mess of a blog anyway.

But I need to trudge on, need to focus to just pass the day away. I need an excuse just to be here, to write something that resembles what it is and to just have something that I don’t mind reading.

The last couple of things are just things of whatever. A mindless mindlessnes that I have no patience for. A mindless mindlessness that I just dish out because I needed something to write.

* * *