The beats go on and on with each constant thump, a second dies.

My life goes on and on and it seems to be going in the right direction.

Dinner plans made. Lunch plans made. Outings and socializing. The constant movement of forwardness of life. My life is moving on the course that it should be. It is slowly moving towards wherever it is that it needs to go.

I am not holding it back in anyway. I stopped that a long time ago. I am taking whatever worldly cues that splash across my retinas and act upon them.

I am doing what it is that I need to do. Living.

* * *

My travels to the far off land of Hotlanta have been uneventful as I expected. Work and work. Done and done. Everything is done as expected with the little problems here and there popping up as expected.

With everything that I had to do, I really didn’t have much time to do and explore the city. It wasn’t a walking city per se (or I just went to the wrong area), to just go and explore, which I eventually did for one night. Overall, it wasn’t a bad little trip.

The next trip is coming up tomorrow, next week. Dallas. Chicago (my beloved). That’ll be the fun trip. That’ll be the trip to savor and explore and work and work. That’ll be the trip that will take this little stress of mine away.

I can’t wait.

I think it is more for the fact that I get to visit a city I never been to before. Dallas. Sure that I might not have much time to go exploring the city, but it is a new city none the less. A new land. A new place. A new point in my map of exploration. Something new and different.

Then there is Chicago. Ahh, what can I say. I love the city. Again, will move there if I can. Most definitely. It’ll be the longest stay between the two cities because there is much to do there, but it’ll be fun with the company, with the food, and just hopefully the exploration.

Can’t.

Wait.

* * *

Work.

Stressed.

Annoyed.

All in one. Stressed and annoyed isn’t a good combination for me. I don’t mind the work, and the work load, but the boring and long and long meetings. The overabundance of different projects that are open between Don and I, is just ridiculous. I love it, but I need to learn to do whatever it is that Don is doing, so I can handle it on my own. I need to, and these projects are great help, but the unrealistic deadlines and long pointless meetings aren’t great.

But hopefully that will change. Hopefully things will ease down and get better.

For once, I felt that time was slipping away from me. There wasn’t enough time in the day to do whatever it is that I need to do.

There just wasn’t.

But we’ll see after I get back.

Busy week.

Hell week.

Now it is over and I get to relax by a business trip of constant working. I find it funny what I think is relaxing.

* * *

Socializing.

My change.

My midlife crisis.

Slowly and surely, things are changing and shaping up. I’m listening to those extra little pushes to do whatever it is that I need to do to grow up and little bit more, to make the be the better man.

Slowly, but surely.

Midlife.

This week has been a little crazy. I pretty much had something to do for most of the nights out of the week. With the movie on Monday, to dinner with B5 on Tuesday, dinner with Tyra on Wednesday. Thursday was a break for me and last night. There was a part of me that I wanted to hang out with Ms. D last night, but she was busy. There was also lunch with Frenemie.

Socializing. Meeting people. Going out. Living.

Logical steps brought on by this feeling of stagnation. There’s a need for change in my life, my midlife, and I think all of this socializing is helping me a bit. It feels that I’m making progress, I’m doing something.

There’s still this fatigue feeling I get from time to time. I’m just tired. Body. Soul. But that is nothing a little rest can’t fix.

* * *

B5.

Dinner.

It was fun as we went to Sunny Spot. It is a very cute restaurant and the lamb. My. Fucking. God. The fucking lamb. Yummers.

Any who, it was a great dinner; great fun and great convo like all the other times that we hung out. Things just felt comfortable and flirting was very very easy.

I still don’t think she sees me that way, but I think deep down inside that she does in some way. Or maybe that is just wishful thinking.

Could be.

There’s hope.

Maybe.

* * *

Tyra.

This was the first time that I actually hung out with her. The happy hours and stuff don’t really count as I never really talk to her at all.

But it was interesting and fun, nonetheless.

The fundamental thing that I got out of our dinner? I need to go out and start dating. Meeting new people. Get a girlfriend, and I got a little insight into Ms. D. It’s stuff that I already know, but it was still interesting nonetheless.

She’s looking into playing matchmaker with me. Funny.

And now she’s off gallivanting in Europe; Spain and France for a month. Jealous.

Sweet girl. Pretty girl.

To be young and just be able to go off and be somewhere for a month. To be young.

Frenemie has the same aspirations. To just go and fly off and live and work in these far off lands. She should totally do it. Young, no responsibilities. Just do it.

If I was in her shoes that would definitely be something that I would do. But of course, if I am the person that I am now.

Sigh.

To be young.

* * *

Eye contact.

It seems to be happening a lot lately.

My eyes wander as I take in my scenery, the world around me.

That means, I’m looking at everything, chairs, tables, litter, people, and from time I’ll make eye contact with people.

But with the eye contact, once it has been established, I generally would just look away, continuing to take in my surroundings and eventually would go back to looking to things that I have already seen chairs, tables, litter, people.

While I was in Atlanta, exploring downtown, doing my photowalk like I usually do, I had my headphones on and just walk and walked.

I was walking down the street and noticed a group of people and in this group, there is only one girl.

I would go and look and see the girl and made eye contact with her. Then my eyes would wander again to other things. Taking in my surroundings. But through my peripheral I still see that the girl is looking at me. My eyes wander back again and we make eye contact again. This happened a few more times as I pass, our eyes lock again. Her eyes never left mine as she is half trying to listen to one of the guys in her group while she was staring at me.

What does that mean?

Same thing happened on the airplane.

Was there something on my face? I have no clue.

Is it a matter that she’s interested or is it something else?

Blah. Confusing.

* * *

Ms. D.

Tanner.

Still fucking confusing.

No fucking clue.

I don’t think anything is ever going to change there.

I know I keep telling myself that it is just time to just move on, but I have no idea.

Blah.

Blah indeed.