My writing is slipping, slowly slipping away from me, not able to come back and help me finish up whatever it is that I need to finish. My current scripts, my future projects, my twing twang of nonsense has been gone.

I sit and stare, sit and stare for the most part each day that I come out here and try to write, try to jot down my thoughts, my characters’ latest escapades of finding love and going to hell. I have lost my touch to put words into meaningful sentences that make up the script.

I have lost my way.

I don’t know why this has happened. I was so gung-ho about the writing, but maybe I just got side tracked by APS to really fall back on and follow through. It’s a block, a break, a misconnection that I can’t seem to shake and get back.

I see the thing unfold before me, but maybe it is that lil’ small voice in my head again that just plagues my securities, creating self doubt about what I can really do. Or maybe it is just I’m lazy. Or maybe I’m just afraid of success. I would like to believe it is the latter.

It’s not like there is a lot of stuff on my mind. There really isn’t much. Nothing much at all.

It’s not like I’m always that tired to just not do it. I come out, I sit, I stare. I’m ready to write, ready to jot, ready to create and imagine the world of my characters unfold before the page creating circumstances for themselves of their own undoing. Their choices should manipulate the flow of the script, but it just never seems to unfold properly, smoothly, if at all.

Small spurts of inspiration form a few number of pages that doesn’t amount to much of progress. Things are just going slow, things are just not flowing the way that it should. Just a simple misconnect on what I want to say and what really happens.

I just find excuses why I don’t want to do it, pushing things aside, saying it doesn’t feel right, I’m tired, I’m not focused. I’m treating this ambition as a joke. Am I losing it? Is it already gone?

Distractions are plenty, but I just have no will power not to be distracted. I welcome the distraction. An excuse not to write. I’m just not serious about it right now I guess.

Maybe it is just the fear of completion of it. I don’t know. I just can’t focus, no focus, none. Done.