Tired.

Eyes dropping, fighting against the instincts and will to keep them open. My weak will, slowly losing the battle to these heavy windows to my soul. Falling falling, shutting down to blackness and the slumber that it wishes for.

Body twisting in the ether as it slowly trudges on fumes of whatever dinner I had.

There’s been too much happening for this poor old body to keep up with. Too many dinners and outings and late nights of late nights of doing nothing for it to keep up. My body has run old and needs to be rebuilt. The lack of energy is killing me.

Hours upon hours of sleep last night killed me as my body doesn’t want to be weaned away from the comfort of my bed. It wants to lie there under the covers, enjoying the flickering images of my mind, searching with a purpose, whatever that is.

Focusing on anything becomes harder and harder as I just stare off into space and the sea of holiday shoppers looking for that special gift for them special people in their lives. Watching little kids and their mothers or sisters or brothers slowly going from store to store, just shopping, looking, enjoying.

Focus is gone.

* * *
One of the big reasons why I’m so tired is because of the RPA holiday party Thursday night. Didn’t get home till late….well, late for me.

The party was marketed to be a downer party because of the series of layoffs we had in the past month. But all in all, it didn’t feel that way. It felt like a party, though it wasn’t an open bar, it felt like a party.

I had eight drinks that night. First off, the drinks weren’t strong. It took number seven to give me the good buzz and eight was the capper. After that, I couldn’t drink anymore. Needed to stop and sober up, since I know I was driving home. Secondly, I needed something to do. For the first couple of hours, I was bored, needing something to do. The glass in my hand helped. It helped tremendously.

All in all, I had a great time. It was fun hanging out with what few friends I have from the IS dept and the girls from finance.

For a time, I got to hang out with the Delicate Flower. It was nice.

The capper to the night, the thing that kept things interesting and the whole what the fuck? moment was pretty much the last half an hour or so.

I was just sitting down, minding my own business, drinking my water. Sobering up. Then blondy mcblondy sat down in the same booth. Gave her a nod and introduced myself. She gave me a name, a name I missed ’cause when I tried to look her up yesterday in the cafe, I couldn’t find her. But, from the pictured evidence that I got, I was able to find out who she was.

So, again, sitting there minding my own business. I see Delicate Flower coming over but sat down in the booth next to mine. The next thing I know, blondy mcblondy stands up and reaches out a hand. “No, I don’t dance” I tell her. She wouldn’t take no for an answer. She walked around to the other side and drags me out on to the floor.

Fine. I’ll dance. Move slowly with whatever to make her happy, but in turn, she made me happy. Grinding me, getting close. She’s drunk. Faded. Shit faced. Grinding on me and grinding on me. It was nice.

I was getting excited as my itty bitties were waking up. But, all in all… it was nice. It’s been a while.

There we are, moving together, our faces inches apart, looking at each other. I so wanted to kiss her, to just kiss her. She sticks a finger in my mouth. I’m just shocked. I don’t even realize that people are around me. Not at all. I bite down on her finger…smile. She smiles back.

Back to grinding, moving, hip swaying…grinding. Her face, close to mine. Then out of the blue, she licks my lips and slips her tongue quickly in my mouth. WHAT THE FUCK?

It’s been a while since I’ve kissed someone. I love to kiss. I love tongue. The flickering tease of come catch me and soft touching of the tongue. Love kisses. So, it’s been a while. Feeling her tongue on mine, though even for a split split second…it just bring back feelings I yearn to feel again.

Again, blown away by this drunken ass faded Russian girl. Blondy mcblondy. SHIT FACED.

So, there, close to each other. I asked her if she wanted to go home. She said in her accented English, “I’m wet, I’m white. You’re Asian. Find an Asian girl.”

WHAT THE FUCK?

Teased and rejected. Whether I can actually go home and have a one night stand, I’m not sure. But at that moment, I so wanted to.

After the dance, Delicate Flower looks at me and just laughs. I ask her why and she says nothing.

But all in all, I guess it was for the best. I just don’t have any game or mastery to just seal the deal. Damn.

The morning after.

I actually got up and went to work on time. I didn’t go to the gym though, sleeping in an extra hour and a half before I rolled my sorry ass out of bed.

Work, guys getting together just sharing stories about the party.

Leslie tells me about the blondy mcblondy, before my encounter with her. She was gone already. Apparently she’s a 22 year old intern. Sigh. She actually called the helpline, but I refused to answer and Carel got to it. Just too funny.

Drunken girls. Fun times.

Guys being guys. Discussing how hot many of the girls looked that night and how fucking faded they were.

Even with the bar not being open bar, and people have to pay for liquor, it was crazy. I dropped a pretty penny on alcohol myself.

All in all, it was a good night. The day after was a slow and tortuous day and today I’m feeling the effects of a drained body. Fun fun.

* * *
I’m supposed to be doing some work today. Actual writing on the script that Scott and I are working on. I was suppose to outline the next few scenes this past week at work, but it turned out to be a very busy week. So, I didn’t get a chance and I don’t think I would be able to do it anyway. Never seem to be able to do my work at work anyway. Weird. Strange.

I got my three month review at work seven months later. They like me and want to keep me on. Even hearing Benjamin telling the Open Minds girls that I was a good hire was pretty good. I’m glad they like me and think I’m doing a good job.