Change. It had to be done. I’m not making excuses to make me feel better, but it must be done. I broke a heart that wasn’t mine to break, but it had to be done.

Feelings started to change and it just didn’t feel right….to me. It’s hard to be selfish in a situation like this, but it is the only thing that I can do to make things easier, not just for me, but for the broken heart.

It couldn’t go on any longer because it’ll just make it even more difficult. If the heart was attached more than it was, I couldn’t have done it in good conscience. Eventually it’ll just eat me from inside; killing me in slow misery, which will eventually dissolve us months, years, centuries down the line.

The time just isn’t right. The moment just isn’t there. There’s just something wrong and two wrongs don’t make a right.

Space. Suffocation. Anger. Hatred.

Nothing is connecting. Nothing is making sense.

Touches and yearning goes unanswered or it is just unsatisfying. I can’t breathe. There’s no air.

Something is just missing and I don’t think there can be anything done about it. It’s just not there…for me. No more. It’s just gone.

Thoughts nag at me, hoping they would go away. Thoughts linger in my mind as I push them away. They scream silently in my mind, echoing is all they can do.

What was there just fell. What was there dissolved into something that wasn’t right.

There’s no one to blame. I couldn’t be the Knight that saved you from your demons. There’s just too many to fight. I tried, but I just couldn’t. I felt helpless, seeing anger consume the heart, losing you, swallowed into darkness.

I’m not you. I don’t understand what you are going through, where things went wrong. I try to understand, give aid and advice is all I can do; guide you to salvation. But I can’t force you to change, to just let go.

It’s not my place to make you change. That has to come from the heart to be genuine. It has to come from the heart for it to be complete, but it just seems the heart is stagnant, not wanting to change because it is comfortable.

I’m the crutch to all of the problems; someone to lean on when the heart can’t beat anymore. It’s draining to stand by, listen, and not be able to do anything.

Maybe I’m from Mars and I just don’t understand this Goddess and her way of thinking. I want to be there to listen, to help, because as the Knight, that’s what I’m there for. But all I feel is inadequate, useless; as I hear the same problems over and over again that pains you.

It breaks my heart to hear your pain through your tears, but it also tears me up to know that I couldn’t help. I couldn’t make you happy. I am not the man that can bring you joy.

There’s just too much for me. I’ve failed you as a man. I have. There’s no excuse about that. The only thing that I can do is to walk away, so you can teach yourself to be on your own. Fix your own problems and stand on your own; independent, happy. Fixed.

I can’t save you. As hard as I try, this Knight is only a Squire in Knight’s armor. No more, no less. I’m not a hero, yours or anyone’s.

I can’t say that I feel good about the decision that I made. It pains me to know that I broke this dear ol’ heart. It kills me to know that I couldn’t stick it out to make it work. It pains me to put it through this mess, but it is the best thing that I can do.

My feelings changed; drained empty of patience. It no longer breathes the life that it once breathed. It died somewhere along the way. Maybe one day, like a Phoenix, it’ll be born again from the ashes, but until that day comes, it is what it is.

I cannot look myself in the eyes going on pretending that everything is all right when clearly my heart pounds that it isn’t. I would be the Dark Prince if I strung the heart along, tugging it by its heartstrings and then throwing it away once I find another.

I can’t do that. I didn’t want to do that. I had to let it go so it can learn to fly on its own.

So I just sit here listening to the heart’s hatred of me for what I did. I just sit and take it, because it is what I deserve. It is an outlet for the anger that it has boiling inside. I sit and take it. That’s all I can do, because it helps put her soul at ease.

Whatever is best for her.

I’m not going to pretend and think that I know what is best for her. I only think I know what is best for her and that is this break. This space. Sure the root of it comes from selfish reasons, but a part of it comes from the honesty of the moment. She needs to be on her own to fight her own demons, kill them on her own terms.

I’m not even sure if what I did is the best thing, but it feels right. My heart regrets the decision, but it no longer screams. It’s calm, quiet, satisfied that it is done. It pats my back, good job because it is right. Just deal with my pain for abandoning her and fix myself.

I do hope the heart is able to mend, pick all of its broken pieces back and fix itself. I hope it comes back stronger, so it doesn’t need someone weak like me to hold it up.

I see the heart’s potential; strong like a thoroughbred’s, full of blood, life, able to beat freely, strongly without fear. But it’s nowhere close.

What happened?

A big heart like that must have gotten crushed when it was younger to make it so weak now. Malnourished of love, neglected. A heart like that just has so much love to give, but it just doesn’t know how. It’s not healthy, not beating the way that it was meant to be.

The love is mostly filled with bitter memories that it can’t let go. It is shy to beat any stronger because it doesn’t know how. It hasn’t been used to its full potential. It only beats because it can. It only beats because it has someone to help it beat. It beats just enough so that her crutch takes over and does the rest.

It needs to throw away the lifeline and learn to beat on its own. Be fearless. Be strong. Don’t be afraid to look at the tough times ahead and face it without fear. When times get tough, don’t hide away, deal with it. Put it aside, let it slide away, let it go

Let it go.

It is all gone and done with. You can’t change anything. It’s done. All you can do is to take what happened, and put it away, let it go and live. Move on careless.

Life is hard. It isn’t easy, but it gets easier as you get stronger. Challenges that were like Everest to climb becomes a small mound of dirt that you just walk over. With time, things get easier.

Make an effort to change. Don’t fear it. Move on from the hole that you are in and just dig yourself out. Stand up and walk away leaving it behind you.

There’s no point. No point in holding on. None.

Soon the past would just be a distance memory, the future is a blank canvas, and the present is full of colors that you can use to paint your Mona Lisa.

Be strong. Be willful. Be fearless. Look in yourself and let go; be free. Don’t be tied down on things you have no control over and take control over things you do.

Let go. Be free. Beat strongly to your own drum.