Who is this that stares back at me in the morning? Who is this person that I have become? The face is familiar, so is the body, but there is something that is just off about him. There is something different that I can’t pinpoint. What is it?

Who is this stranger?

He seems familiar, a lost soul that I was connected to long ago. Or is he someone that came from the future, a self that I haven’t found? I don’t know, but there is comfort there, seeing him, watching him mimicking my movements.

He stands tall, much taller than I’ve ever stood before. The smile that always shines on his face is something that I can only muster on special occasions and they surely don’t come often enough.

The eyes that squint back at me glimmers with hope and confidence; something that I’ve lost long ago.

Who is this mystery man?

Watching him go about his business, it just seems so easy. How come I can never do that? What is holding me back?

It seems he doesn’t have the insecurities that I’ve grown up with; the flaws that stick out like a sore thumb.

He’s the perfect me. He’s the person that I strive to be.

Looking at him gives me hope of the future. Things shine brighter in my day ever since I’ve gotten to see him. Now, I have something to strive for; something to work towards.

Why hasn’t he come sooner? Why hasn’t he appeared when I needed him the most?

I think back and see where I had come from and what I’d overcome. I sure could had used him along the way, but he was never there.

It just seems that when I’m almost fixed; when I don’t need people like him, that he shows up and guides me. Why is that always the case?

Why indeed?

How I imagine myself to be him, how I do wish I was him. Things would go much easier, smoother. I would know the things to say, the quick witty retort that would take me days, if not weeks, to come up with will come in a split second.

I’m sure he would have come up with the “not as sweet as you” line much quicker than I did. He would have used it and charmed his way to a name and maybe a conversation and constant flirting.

Instead, it was just a smile and a thank you that lead to a shy smile and look of “you dropped the ball dumbass” and me going to my table with my tail between my legs to write my little ditty.

But I’m left with me, the beginnings of this man that stares back at me. I see him and see what I must become, what I will become. Just a little more time for me to fine tune the things that haunts my securities.

I have hope, a direction in where I need to go. It’s just going to be a slow process getting there.

Slow

* * *

Falling back; fading in the mist
Tumbling across time

Disappearing from myself
Flaws that hinder

Problems shrink
As do caring

Nothing but liberty
Freedom to BE

Playing with openness
Heart grows wild; untamed

Fearless
Adventurous

No worries
No pain

The Child in Me
Never Never Land

Tick tock
Time Flies

Up we go
Circling the star

Taller higher
Problems mistakes

Cares
Responsibilities

Less free
More tamed

Me
I

Decisions
Choices

Left
Right

Leaping Forward; fading in emptiness
Tumbling across time

2007-08-23