It’s been a while since I’ve written anything in this journal. It’s been well over a month of my obsession with the Twins, but now I think that I should put them to rest…well, at least on this blog and start something new.

It seems that nothing much has changed in the past couple of weeks. My obsession with the Twins still live on of course, but I haven’t stayed up in the night looking for their youtube videos in a while.

It’s just been a focus on work and on my writing.

I am currently in my first draft of A Ghost Story of Some Kind, my adaption of Tsui Hark’s A Chinese Ghost Story. I am at my local writing spot, trying to come up with my four pages that I need to make the writing bet for this session. Just four pages and I am currently stuck.

I’m about 24 pages in and the story is off to a good start, strong and hard. This is very streamlined, for 24 pages into the story, our hero, Leslie, is already looking for the mysterious Beautiful Woman already in the haunted woods. What will come next? I don’t know. If I did, I would be writing it right now, but I am at a lost on how to proceed. I am lost.

Maybe I need to watch the original again to see how they approach it. I have to make sure that I need to make this movie my own, but it is getting difficult to see clearly. Maybe I’m just tired today. I don’t know what it is. Maybe tomorrow will be better. All I know is that my body is yelling at me to get some much needed rest.
* * *

It was the company ditch day yesterday. Knott’s Berry farm again. It was a lightning speed scavenger hunt again, with minimal rides. I didn’t care. I was out of the office, having a good time. It wasn’t bad. But boy am I beat.

The happy hour was the thing to look forward to. Getting drunk and talking about the girls in our office with the other guys. Who’s the hottest? Who do we find attractive? Just typical guys stuff. Just guys being guys. Just guys bullshitting.

Fun.

Tired. Fatigued. Body hates me. Maybe I’m coming down with something. I don’t know. I don’t know what it is.
* * *

Everyone says that once you start exercising that you should have all of this energy and what not. It’s a lie. I’ve been exercising every day. I’ve been running my run with Pickles in the morning, and my weight routine and then my abs routine, which I haven’t been doing. I should be bouncing off the wall with energy and not feel this fatigue.

I’ve changed my diet also. It’s so changed. Breakfast, snacks, lunch, and dinner. It’s changed so much from my usual “one meal a day”, that it’s not funny anymore. With all of this food intake, one should think that I have tons of energy. All lies.

I would still go home and nap. I find it funny. I am so old.

So, I ask myself what all of this exercising have done for me.

I don’t’ know.

A few weeks ago, a few coworkers have complimented on how good I look. That, I must have done something different, because I am quite attractive. I laugh. HA!

It started with the annoying girl at work. She made a comment if I got laid recently, which we all know is not the case. Something’s changed. Something’s different. There’s something about me that makes her take notice. Not that she hasn’t taken notice before.

So, lemmesee what I’ve done recently. I grew out my hair and I have been exercising. Could the combination of the two do it in for me? I don’t’ know what it is.

Maybe it’s because of my speed dating experience and the “confidence” that I’ve gathered from that. Who knows?

But I’ve changed.

Another coworker commented on the same thing. I was walking in the kitchen and she looked at me and as I walked by she made a comment to the other girls in the office. That there’s something about me that makes me more attractive than usual.

Now keep in mind this is all happening in a span of a few weeks. Just a few weeks.

A few days later, another comment from another coworker. We’re at the copy machine and she softly touch my arm. “You’re so handsome”. I blush and laugh.

What is it? I barely notice anything different physically, because I’m still not toned as I want to be. Not at all. I just have no muscle mass. Just weird. Strange.
* * *

It’s been a while since I’ve flirted with anyone. Once in a blue moon, I’ll flirt with my old coworkers, because I have nothing better to do, and I’m just playful like that. But most of the times, I just joke and do whatever.

I don’t know what it is. Girls have been noticing me more or they are just being nice.

The girls at Volcano Tea would give me discounts on their tea, and one in particular would remember my drink. Maybe I am that much of a regular. Who knows?

I just know that I suck and I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t even ask my usual boba girl’s name. I just have no game.
* * *

Tired, lazy eyes are just staring in the screen while my twisted brain thinks of something for my fingers to do.

I just don’t know what has gotten into me lately. I’m just so tired. I go through my routine of working and coming home and working and coming home and going out once in a while. That is life. I don’t dream of it being more than what it is. I don’t know. I’m just feel that I’m in a strange time in my life.

Now don’t get me wrong, things are good. Nothing that is out of the ordinary for me. There is nothing to complain much about. Maybe that’s it; I just don’t have much to complain about.

Looking back at some of my earlier posts of this year and even from a few years ago, it just seems that I have lost something in my writing. It just seems that my blog writings in my yesteryear came so easily to me. Now I’m stretching to come up with something to write; something to say.

Maybe my well has dried up and there’s no more ink. There’s just nothing there anymore to write about.

I don’t know. I just look back and think of things and nothing comes to me. Nothing at all. It’s all just mindless rambling and ramblings that don’t make sense or come to a point. Life is life.

Tired and sore. Fatigued and semi-conscious.

I’m old. Just old.