Here it is again. Another year older, another year wiser. Another year gone, another year to look forward to. Older and wiser. Another year. My mantra.

I’m 27. I’m 27. I’m 27. I’m 27.

I have reach the upper echelons of my twenties. I am no longer in my mid-twenties, but my late-twenties. Three more years until the big 3-0. I’m fucking old.

Like my reflections before, my year end reflections of the previous year, this year has gone by in a flash. A blink of an eye and things seem like they happened years ago. Days and weeks are lost in my old memories, making friends with childhood memories like they belong next to each other chronologically. Things are a jumble mess in my mind as I try to put memories to times and places and experiences. Just a jumble mess.

My 26th year is a year to remember. I was right in my entry when I turned 26….this year is the year to look out for. This year is the year that I will blossom, and boy did I.

This year I’ve grown into the man, the person, that fit this skin that I have worn for some time. This year I have grown into myself, liked myself, moved on and put my past behind me and only looked at the moment. I rarely looked back at what was and what might have been, but only focused on what is happening now, in the moment.

I focused on the job that I need to do, the script that I am working on, the company that I am keeping, and keeping me entertained.

Sure it wasn’t a smooth-sailing ride, but it sure was a ride. There is always a balance to things and for every bad comes some good and vice versa. Life never cease to amaze me even though my tired eyes feel like they have seen the world destroy itself a few times over with its problems of social dysfunction.

Since my last birthday, I don’t think I ever looked back. I just plunge head first, forward into my life, going day by day.

The 26th year was the year that I’ve become quite comfortable being in social situations. I have no problems hanging with my friends, or even mingling with the crowd. I’ve finally grown comfortable in these social crowds. Where did this come from? How did this happen?

Maybe it is because I have found myself. Maybe I am so sure of who I am, my confidence has grown and I really don’t care what other people think of me anymore. Just maybe…..

I don’t know what it is..maybe it is the company that I keep. They know me and there’s no pressure to impress them…and soon, I’m that way with anyone. No pressure to impress.

So, connecting with friends, and socializing more, this past year for me was also the year that I’ve reconnected with my family roots again. Not that I’ve reconnected with my family up north, or my mom and my brother…no, they will always be there. But this past year is the year that I’ve been focused on family more than the previous years that I’ve been down here.

Going up to San Jose for the family wedding and going to my great uncles more and more often, and maybe it’s also because I met two new cousins that I never met before in my life. First there was Yen and then there is my sister-that-I-never had, Jun. Who knows, but I’m as inclined to hang out with family as I am with friends. Maybe it’s because I finally have some family down here that is around my age, going through the same phase in life that I am going through, so I need that connection.. Who knows.

Another thing that really happened starting this past year is my connection with my mom. We actually talk now. I still don’t call as often as I use to, like when my father passed away, but I still call from time to time. She’s the one that calls me the most. But we actually talk now, and it’s not one of those cringe inducing calls that I so often fear during the times after my father passed away. I think she is genuinely better, and much happier than she was then. She seems so supportive of my successes and of what I want to do. She seems so genuinely caring of my happiness and me doing what it is that makes me happy.

I guess it also started when I called her about my last job. I called her about my problems and told her how I felt. That started things rolling. She would ask how my job is going now and encourage me to continue on when times get tough and to just work harder. She’s seems genuinely interested in my life. I guess that’s what distance do to people, they make them closer.

It was great to see my mother treking down to San Jose with my brother for my cousin’s wedding. It just seems like she’s okay now, and that she is moving on and living her life on her own.

And for me to see that in her, just makes me happier. I don’t have to worry about her as much.

The 26th year brought on the beginning of my dating experience. First with eharmony and the two “matches” that I went on multiple dates with. Sure the matches didn’t go anywhere, but with one, it did go somewhere a little further than it should have. Looking back at that past relationship, I was just too blinded by my naivette that it was my first relationship…if you want to call it that. I knew it wouldn’t last, but for some stupid reason, I thought I had to make it last and I got attached. Maybe it’s because I lost my virginity to her, or maybe I’m just a poor sap like that. I have no clue.

And after that, I’m done searching. No more looking actively for a potential partner. Love is something that you shouldn’t search for, it is something that should take you by surprise. So I’m done. If through my days, I do meet someone that I get along with and have an interest in getting to know more, I’ll make the extra effort. If not, then I’ll live my life alone.

But, I guess I’ll just have to see how this current relationship is going to go. I’m trying hard to not overthink this one and just let things be, to just let everything go and let it happen. It’s a lesson that I am slowly learning, and I think I am in the better for it. I’ll just have to see where things go. If she decides to move on, then I’ll just have to let her go.

A blink of an eye, my life is passing me by. A blink of an eye and my experiences just blend with my memories. Life is passing me by and I’m living in a slow pace, a comfortable pace. No point in rushing things. Life is long enough. Just sit back and enjoy it.

I wrote last year about my dealings with alcohol, how sometimes I do lose control while I’m out socializing. Again, I would like to reiterate, I’m only a social drinker. I’m not an alcoholic even though I joke about it often. I’ve done it. I don’t get drunk anymore. I know my limit, I drink enough to maintain that buzz, and then I’ll sober up if I need to go anywhere. If I ever slip, there will always be something that slaps me in the face to sober up.

I’ve hurt a few people in my 26th year also. Again, with all the good, comes the bad. I’ve hurt that single mother. We had an excellent relationship, more than friendly I would say. She’s one of the reasons why I’ve gotten so comfortable with myself. She helped lots with the extra push from that effort that I did with my last infatuation. But I made a mistake because I miscalculated where we stood. I thought we’d be comfortable with the rough housing, but I crossed the line. But luckily for me, things are better now, almost back to normal. We still talk the talks, confide in each other, like nothing has happened between us.

Now, I’ve made the mistake of doing the same thing again with another girl, and she’s less forgiving. And I don’t blame her.

But things are good in my life now. Things are well. I can’t look at the mistakes and fret on them. I’ve done my best to appease the situation and apologize for my mistakes. It is up to these victims to accept my apologies or not.

So with this past 26th, things have changed for the better, I am better than where I was a year ago, and I was better then than a year before that. Life seems to be heading in the right direction, professionally, personally, and socially.

So, another year older, another year wiser. I’m 27, I’m 27, I’m 27. Let’s see where my 27th year lead me. Who knows?