Fading. Fading. The light fades its once bright shiny ray of savior until it is just blackness. The Star that once shined so brightly shines no more. Dead. Silent. Cold…an ever expanding ball of fire that burned it’s last bit of gas, leaving nothing but a empty vastness of space, sucking in all unsuspecting souls too blinded to see her black hole.

Fading. Fading. The light fades from the once clear blue skies and fade into the darkness of night. Here the predators comes to find its prey. Only here do the strong survive. Survival of the fittest.

We move on. Our eyes adjust to the darkness. We feel out our surroundings. We adapt to the environment. We just be our bettered selves in the unconscious sun’s glory.
* * *

Typing away, sitting away, watching the screen as my once dexterous fingers type away the words that I think the second before, trying to come up with something worthwhile to write.

I cannot think of anything as I sit here, just watching. Just watching as things just go and go, never passing me by because there is nothing to see that can pass me by.

I am all caught up in all standards of life. I am all caught up on what is necessary to be a person. I am all caught up. I have a heart and a soul. A mind and a body.

Looking deep inside this little mind that is mine, I reach, I grasp for things to write. I struggle to find the all-echoing thought that once haunted my daily existence. The philosophical proverbs that ring so true and sounds so cryptic. I struggle to find the words to describe how my life has changed. I struggle to remember the things that I remembered just second, hours, days, weeks, months, years before. I struggle.

Life wouldn’t be anything if there weren’t struggle. Life will be one boring moment after another…no learning curve. Struggles make us wise, help us grow. As we learn to cope with these struggles, we become better people.

A fading star that shined so brightly has brought upon other connections that seem to be much stronger.

Never have we met but I could feel the bond we share. Words exchanged from the cold void that I am so familiar with, to the cellular dialogue that goes between us. Laughs, jokes, taunts, secrets and lies. Conversation. Light and deep. Enlightening and heartfelt. True.
* * *

Done. Search no more. No more. No more. These feelings of searching, the unnecessary needs of finding, of connecting once again exists no more.

I am done. I am through. I call it quits in this little game. There is no point. Things like these should never be sought after. Things like these should never be hunted down. Things like these should never be forced. They should just happen.

Things like these should just be for the sake of being. They should exist out of obscurity because it feels truer this way. There’s no point in searching, because all in all it will just end up being a DESPERATE search. Exhausted desperation that leads one to find a treasure of fools gold.

Again, The Alchemist wasn’t successful in turning lead into gold with the good ol’ Philosopher’s Stone that Van sung so joyfully about.
It may look like the real thing, smell like the real thing, feel like the real thing…but all of these things are just surface, just face to fool you.

Through trials and tests, finding the mass, displacing the water, we find that deep inside it is only black lead, painted with the shiny valued exterior that we all craved about way back in 1849.

Gold like this is something that you come upon out of the blue. Not looking. Not wanting. Not needing. A pleasant surprise that turns your fortune around. It just happens.

Once you get that inkling…once you find traces of gold dust, then you go searching for it. You go and work for it, to find the riches that are beyond your imagination.

You go to the river, you sift through the boulders, the rocks, the pebbles, the sand. You sift and you sift…wash and wash. Aching back, bloody fingers, creaky knees. It’s a long and hard task, but if you are ever so fortunate, if you are ever so lucky, you strike it rich. You find the most valuable gift known to man.

But only if you are ever so fortunate. For some, even though they never will strike it rich, the feeling of being only a step away to economic freedom is all they need. Others aren’t so fortunate. Turning bitter and angry, one step from glory but never tasting glory is just too much to bare. They could go on no longer.

Out of hope and with nothing but desperation, some do drastic things; become a outcast to society, left with nothing but that feeling of lost glory. They are a lost cause. There’s nothing in them anymore. Bitter to the end.

But would being one step away from glory and never reaching it prove my fate as a lost soul? Only time will tell. For the time being, I am content with gold dust.
* * *

How can this be? How can this happen? Where did this connection come from?

How can we be so close, yet we’ve only met a little over a month ago? It seems like we’ve always known each other….maybe from a past life or something…or maybe we both are sheep. Strange how astrology works sometimes.

Open. Close. That’s what we both are to each other. I am close to her than most all family that I’ve grown up and hung out with. Shit, she knows more about my life now than any family. I am more close to her than my brother. We talk about anything, joke about anything. Open. Close.

It’s just strange to share this connection with someone who I only just met. It’s strange indeed. Friends from a past life, I’m sure.

Maybe we are just two open people, unashamed of being ourselves, each accepting our faults and our virtues and presenting them to the other whole heartedly, not holding anything back because we both know that the other will accept us for who we truly are?

Words, thoughts, feelings, secrets, life flow between us without censor. She knows more about me in this short time than most family know in my lifetime. Just strange how the universe work sometimes. Strange.

But maybe I just got to the point where I am comfortable with who I am; comfortable with my faults and my insecurities; comfortable in my own skin to just be myself to each and all. Open enough to share my personal secrets for everyone who have open ears…maybe.

It sure feels that way to many down here.

Who knows what this sibling relationship will bring me…who knows what this sibling relationship means…who knows?

“Sex appeal”…apparently that’s what we share. Genetics maybe, but I disagree. There’s just no sex appeal in me. I think the thing that she can’t pinpoint, the thing that she struggled to come up with is genuiness..openness…comfort.

We have that much in common. We don’t try to be more than what we are. We don’t try to be less than what we are either. We are just who we are.

Humor. Personality. The same through and through. Sure she has more life experiences, but we are still the same. Different upbringings, yet we are still the same. Maybe my science and her God ran out of personalities in that part of Vietnam in 39 days and I ended up with the same predisposed personality that she had? Possibility…the world is full of them.

My new found family. My family away from family. My new life. My new skin. My new me. Me. Me. Me.

It’s all about me.