Here I am, standing in the mist…well actually I’m sitting in the mist. Sitting in this new coffee shop that I’m visiting, checking up on the wifi service that they provide. It’s a quaint little place, quiet to an extent, but the hours aren’t to my liking. Closing early, closing early. 9 9 9 9.

This past month has gone by in a blur. These past couple of months has gone by in a blur. Ever since, September. A blur. Things come and go, come and go. It’s been only 5 months, almost half a year, but it seems so much longer. It feels like years has passed since then.

Now we come to a new year. A new lunar year. The year of the Dog. Bow wow.

I don’t know how much writing I’m going to get done. I don’t know how my writing I need to do. I don’t know much of anything anymore, but that I like family. For the most part I miss family, the loud get togethers, the big “hey how do you do’s” etc. etc. etc.

Being at my Great Uncle’s this past weekend to celebrate the coming of the new year is always a great treat. I met family I never met before. I get to be the kid that I always am, chasing the little adorable little girl around the garage. I had fun.

Maybe it’s just my age, or maybe I’ve changed so much, but it just feels that I’ve gotten quite comfortable in most social situations. I felt comfortable being with the new found cousins that I never met before.

I picked up right where I left off with that ol’ high school crush I just connected with again.

I am who I am with the ol’ strange internet stranger that keeps writing me back.

I have grown up, I have reached a new stage in my life. I am comfortable with who I am, I am found.

Now, it just seems that my new found self is getting me in trouble. Nothing too unusual. My words flow out of my mouth, tingle down my fingers; my verse comes out so smoothly and offensive.

Pissing people off is the lesson that I will learn to cope with this next year. I’m a month or two deep in this new phase, but I’m still learning and feeling who can handle the smart ass that is me.

Not many can. They just don’t have that thick skin. Others can, for they know me. But it just seems that I’m just getting myself in trouble with my “smooth” mouth.

My humor is crude, rude, and at most times hard to swallow. My humor is my humor. Dry. Sarcastic. Witty. Smart Ass-y, if there is such a term.

That’s just me. That’s what I’ve always been. I’ve just refined it as I became more comfortable with who I am.

Now that things are done and done and done, it’s just time for me to focus on the things to come. No more of these searches for these unattainable and not worth my time girls.

Now is the time to just focus and enjoy the life that I lead. If that means not going out weeks at a time, then it’s not going out weeks at a time.

I don’t know what I want to write tonight. I don’t know what I want to say here on this blog, but I know that I need to write. I thought about poetry, but nothing comes to mind, no words rhyme.

Most of my writing seems to be a free verse poem anyway, so that’s my poetry for the day.

It’s been a while since I’ve written a poem. A decent poem, and I have no inspiration to write. The last poem that I wrote was to the Starry Flower that will never be, and it has been deleted and forgotten. I cannot search for the words no more, put them in place. It is lost.

Now, I just write and write to fill the void. I just write and write to get my exercise. I just write and write.

I came to the conclusion this past weekend, after being told so so many times before, but I’m really good with kids. Strangers ask if I have any and they tell me that I’m good with them. I am good with them. I’m just a kid at heart. I guess that’s where our connection lay.

It just makes me feel that I really want kids. I really do. Now will I be married when I’m having these kids, that’s a different story. Should I adopt or should I go about the old fashion way or some derivation of it? I don’t know.

Maybe I’m just a big kid, never grown up to realize that life is passing me by. Just too stubborn and too childish to realize that life is something more to my meager existence…but I know it’s not true. I’m an old soul trying to recapture his youth and succeeding at it with the right people.

Gone, lost, but not forgotten
You cloud my memories
You jumble my thoughts

I stand encompassed by your silvery mist
Searching for my way
Stumbling into humility

You were always just out of reach
There’s no point in connecting
Any attempt is an fruitless effort

I can’t shake your essence
I am forever changed
You will always be my history