Firsts

Thoughts gather about the other night. As I sit here and run through everything, just going through the night, minute by minute, second by second. It will be a night that I will never forget.

The turning of the new leaf has left me into the brand new plant that roots in all things. I live my life as with the rising and the setting of the sun. With each day, it comes and goes with the new experiences that came to pass.

What is there for me to look forward to now that most things are done? I sit here, just anticipating what is to come. I sit here thinking of what might transpire. I sit here full of confidence because of what came before. I sit here.

Things seem so different now, things seems so strange. The cats are out of the proverbial bags and they are all free to roam wild, free and confident without fear of anything. They run wild, like my heart runs wild with these feelings of feelings, which I cannot explain or decipher their true meaning.

What is to become of me? What is to become of these morals that I hold dear? These once beholden truths of life that I lived by, that I once hold so dearly? Will I become the type of man that I so truly despise not so long ago, or will I be a better man than I’ve ever been.

Now it just seems so easy to get together and catch up on the things that we’ve missed in each other’s life. Now it just seems so easy to get together and do the things that I’ve so hated not so long ago. The mobile walkie talkies and conversations through the impersonal personal void.

Now it is all things giggly and blonde with the junk in the trunk and the trancer who moves with the beat. All that is in my thoughts is the wild blossom that I’ve been fortunate to find or is it the blossom that found me.

Holding and scrubbing, rubbing and jerking, touching and cleaning. Things that I do often enough but never before. Firsts. Firsts. Firsts.

Oh what a night, oh what a week, oh what a month, oh what a year.

A year of constant change. A year of constant stripping. A year of bravery that will never be forgotten.

What is there to matter now that I had some of the pie? Maybe I’ll get hungry enough to finish it this time, to not hesitate and jump right in. Things are just right. Things are set in motion.

You win some, you lose some. Things go and go.

I never thought that it would come true, I never dreamt that it would be like that. I never dreamt that it would be that night. I guess dreams do actually come true.

I never thought that a flower could pluck me and that it is people that pluck flowers. I am truly mistaken for I was plucked out of obscurity.

After Just Like Heaven and Freedom to fly and be the colorful wonder that I am, I never truly dreamt that it would go that far.

It started slow as things should have started. Heartfelt conversations to get you to trust me, to help you blossom and open. To get you comfortable with who I am and what I’m all about, and that is to be with you.

I just wanted you to show me show me show me how you do that trick so I can truly say that I know how to do it. You taught me to relax, to be gentle..go go with the flow. Little flicks here and there and that is all you need. Soft and soft.

Then through the dark, I found you. My hands guide their way, patting through the dirt, the ground, to find you. Down on hands and knees searching and searching, then my hands finally touched you.

Down at the base. Your stem. I worked my way up, softly caressing your petals and your leaves, rubbing your stem with my soft touch. I bent down to smell your sweet aroma, your natural perfume that you emit oh so softly.

Gentle and gently, I moved my hand to admire you in the dark. You are a rare flower that I have never known. I gently explore, going deeper and lower and there you were, slowly opening up your sweet blossom for me. From there, I plucked you without hurting you, without damaging you.

I took you home and prepared you for show. I cut down the stems and cleaned it from the dirt and sands of the wild. Sprinkles of water splash down on us, cleaning both of us at the same time.

In the light is where I truly see your beauty. There in the light is where I got to finally see the beauty that I’ve been exploring. I carefully cleaned. There I brought you closer to me so you could feel the affection I have for you.

When your petals finally touched me, I shivered with your soft touch. It was something that I truly never experienced. A first for me. Many firsts for me. It was a find that I will never forget. A find that is forever burned in my memory.

Then I layed you down, drying you off, getting ready for the big day ahead. The day where you will be presented for all to see. My blossom. My shining star.

We rested up as best we can before the rise of the sun will start the big day. There we lay, me and my blossom, shined down upon by the waking sun. I bring you closer to me, so I could feel your soft pedals on my skin. With a few quick strokes, ecstasy.

There you are on the show, my prize possession, on that golden pedestal. There you are. There you are.

The “outing” life

The “outing” life is a life that I was just introduced to. It is a life that I’ve been told that I needed to start a long time ago. That will be the time when my life will truly start, a turning of a new leaf. The “outing” life.

Seeing things, meeting new people, getting comfortable in the things that I usually hate. I guess I am turning a new leaf with this new phase that I am just entering. This is the new me, the new plant that I have become.

I have become the jib jab of the social, joining ranks with most civilization, doing whatever it is that I usually do, but doing it more often, but now with people I hardly know. Talking, joking, holding hands, cuddling with the rest of them. The Talk Soup with mobile gadgets that I rarely put to use.

The new leaf, the new plant that I have become. The sun shines its bright rays down on me and I soak it up, for it gives me the sustenance that I need to survive in this social world.

Before I was weak and withering in the cold dark damp place under the cloudy skies of the north….and even in the sunny skies of the south. Now I got my sunshine, more than I can take and it has shaped me into the healthy being, comfortable with the “same name” and with the “Goldilocks” that I’ve come to know.

The long walks down the pier and around the blocks, the dinner conversations with American Pie and Small Towns along with the unlocked “Secrets from Victoria” to the “stomach thumbing” and “boy shorts”. Watching the movie about my hypothetical future self…the virgin in me.

Things cease to surprise me. Things cease to wow me, to blow me away, but I am blown away by all things all at the same time. The chase around the office by the 8-year-old cute sweet play “monster’ or the cry fest with the 18-month-old that I didn’t know how to control.

The experiences comes very few and far between which keeps me interested in keeping on this small quiet “laxed” life that I live so I can experience the next small wonder that put that “cute smile” on my face.

These moments they come and go, come and go, like the people that come and go in my life. I’ll talk to just talk, to keep the company, to show the ropes of the relationship where we stand, but I do things on my own, describing my own aesthetics to life to show to me that I am my own being, not to be trifled with or to be directed into doing something that I do not wish to do.

I let life come searching for me as I live my life day to day going with the flow going through the motions going with the motions like the rivers that constantly flow.

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in mine) because that is how hearts should be carried when you fall into the thing that has been so elusive to so many people. Your heart is the heart that will beat in sync with mine.

You are the “Tiny Dancer” that tap dances and keep the rhythm to my soul. You are my quartz $0.25 watch that I wear constantly because it was the first thing that I got, the one thing that I found, that just so enraptures me.

You are a find, a treasure, a lost object that makes me enjoy doing the things that I never enjoyed doing. You are the thing that makes me be the better man that I know I am being just because you are there with me.

The pink trash cans with the swivel tops that my heart usually goes in shuts its trap forever for my heart will never be rejected again….it is time for me to reject the heart of others because they know that I am the treasure that I just described.

I am the find, the treasure, the lost object that makes them enjoy doing the things that they’ve never enjoyed doing. I am the one.

They see that in my eyes, my smile, my touch, and my humor. They hear it in my tone, my voice, my sweet Unchained Melody of witty charms that I spill like Exxon. There is nothing to clean up this mess that is me, because there is no need to clean up this mess. It is something they need like the plant that needs the sun.

There you go, with your ponytail swinging in motion with your gait. With each stride it swings from side to side, like the repetitious dance that all flirts play even when they aren’t even playing. The sweater that so binds you like my hold on you, so tight yet comfortable, so fitting and stylish….

The toe tapping jams that spill through the air to the melodies in your head….I am your sweet tune that you hum to when you go to bed.

Your dreams are sweet because they are of all the times that I made you smile and turn that rosy shade that you usually get when you are intimate. I am the thing that makes you feel.

So uplifting I bring you, soaring through the skies like the “eagles” in those sappy love songs that I am so fond of but am too embarrass to let known that I love. I am the unabashed embarrassment that you keep away from your friends because you want to keep up an image of the cool, calm, and collective hard to get type, but you are the sweet mushy cheesy sappy love song dork that you are because I’m with you.

The giggles I take from you makes you even more angelic than I can ever imagine. Filled with the indescribable girlish charms that I love so dearly….each girl have their own set and I’m in love with all sets. The charms of women that set me wild.

So determined to do the thing that you set out to do, because that is what you need to do to keep your mind off of me. The casual way you just smile at everyone but the glimmer in your eye that sets some apart from the others.

Who are you? The cute little Hawaiian blossom that dared to test the gods of their veracity. Who are you? My twin in name that makes me forget to act around you, because I’m not ever acting around you.

Who are you? The stranger that I have not gotten to know yet, but will eventually. Who are you indeed?

Just mere acquaintances that turns to friends that turns to lovers that turns to soul mates that turns to the doves [that] suddenly appear

The progress of life, the progress of love, the progress that I sit so “complacent” for. The one that that will wow me because I am not easily wowed.

As that once teen queen so proudly proclaims in that song oh so long ago…I’m Crazy for You.

Your toes with the lovely hearts that are so branded on it…that you showed me with no shame as you allow me to hold your foot, touch your thigh, hold your hand, cuddle up with you to keep you warm in my sickened state, to hold you so tight in that warm embrace. You allowed me to get close, in a way that I rarely do. It was a new change for me…a new leaf that I’m turning.

The Shooting Star that I saw and it reminded me of you. “Why do you like me?” is something that I would like to ask you whenever I remember, but when I am with you, I always forget what it is that I need to do, because all that I ever focus on is you.

You are the guiding light, the “North Star” that is my forever compass so I am never lost any more.

Your gold locks that gives away your presence; the traces that lets it be known that you were a part of my life. Will it ever last? I question but don’t want to question at the same time for I don’t want to jinx what it is that we share or have.

Since knowing you, even watching a big white bunny rabbit that orders a glass of water doesn’t surprise me…for I am distracted by my thoughts of you……