What is it that I want to say tonight? What is it that I want to write here tonight?

I don’t know but I do know that I came out to clear my mind as I get ready to head up to the Bay area again this weekend. This has been a weekend that I’ve been anticipating for quite some time. I’ll be doing my usual road trip during Labor Day weekend, driving wherever it is that I usually go. Last year it was San Francisco and the year before was Sacramento. This year will be San Francisco again and also to San Jose for a wedding.

I was just up in San Francisco not two weeks ago. I went up for my ex-roommates wedding. It was nice, I guess, but I had a great time there. It was just fun relaxing and chilling with a bunch of new people and meeting up with some old people again. I had a great time. I didn’t feel awkward or out of place like I usually do.

I just did my own thing, felt comfortable in my own skin, enjoying the ceremony and the banquet. Overall, it was an enjoyable reason…. for many reasons.

I met up with my ex-roommate last night and we just discussed things. We just discussed whatever it is that we discussed and at the end of it, I was just frustrated with everything that she told me.

I would like to think I’m a smart guy, maybe I’m just not that smart to understand why? Why? Why?

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in a relationship, or maybe I’ve never been in love to understand what it is that she’s going through. I’ve always thought of myself as a romantic, a hopeless romantic at that….but I guess maybe that kind of love is just too real for me to understand. It doesn’t compare to the ideal notion of “love” that I have in my head. Maybe that’s just it.

Overall, I’m just frustrated at everything and everything. I just have to face the fact that I just don’t understand….and me not understanding something just frustrates me. I have many friends that can attest to that. Many.

I just hope in the end, she knows what she’s doing…I just hope she knows what she’s doing.

* * *

I’ve been in a small social funk lately, a very small social funk. This is sort of weird for me, because it is rarely that I get this social. maybe I’m getting older and feel more comfortable about who I am as a person and just want to finally go out and meet new people….and maybe meet someone special. Who knows why it is that I’m doing these social things.

For instance, I met up with a long lost cousin this past Saturday night. I only met her once before for a couple of hours a couple of months ago. She came from Philadelphia to work here in Westlake. We’d exchanged numbers when we first met and bid our farewell at our great uncle’s house and we never talked since.

One night early last week, I thought I would call her up and see if she’s interested in hanging out. You see, I had a writers’ group out in Ventura on Saturday and since I would be out in her part of town anyway, I thought we maybe able to hang out…otherwise, who knows when I would get to see her again.

But she called me instead. She called me out of the blue as I thought about calling her. It’s funny how things like these happen. Just funny. She called about this weekend; she called about the wedding that is up north. She was wondering if I was going and I absolutely am.

So, we met up this past Saturday. I got to her place at around 6pm…after a few minutes of being lost of course. Later, we went out to get some dinner at the Westlake mall or something. We just sat at the outside food court just talking about anything and everything until 3 AM.

It was a nice outing and weekend overall, but weird. I just never talked with a total stranger until the dead of night before…grant it she’s family, she’s still a stranger no less.

Now whether she’s going to go to the wedding this weekend, I have no idea. I told her to email me with her flight information if she does decide to brave the face of strangers and I’ll pick her up from the airport.

Besides me, she doesn’t know anyone who is going to the wedding. Again, it is going to be a very interesting weekend, regardless.

So I’m heading up to San Jose on Friday morning, then heading over to San Francisco on late morning/early afternoon. I’ll be heading over with my brother and I’m not sure if my mom and aunt and her kids will be joining us or not. If they do, that will be interesting. Again, this whole weekend is going to be very interesting.

I don’t know what the plan for the San Francisco trip is yet….maybe Chinatown and dim sum as we wait for Suong to get off of work and then our tour could start. Alcatraz, Fisherman’s Wharf, Golden Gate Park….I have no idea and I really don’t care. I’m out and away from the city, just relaxing not thinking about work and such. It’s a much needed vacation, outing, rest…

I think the plan is to stay in San Francisco till late…maybe we’ll head back after dinner. There’s no rush. Not much is happening on Friday anyway….Saturday is when the “work” for the wedding will technically start. Airport runs, guests to host for the house party…so on and so forth. The worst of all, socializing..small talk…death.

No, I know I was ranting about how I became the social butterfly lately and everything, this is different. This is going to be a big “social” event..party, chit chat..small talk. Small talk is my kryptonite. I can’t handle small talk. I love it when I am able to just talk to the person, about anything, about who they are, what they want..you know, just have a decent conversation. I can’t deal with the weather and other shit like that. I just want to have a genuine conversation.

But in a situation like that, with all these new faces, it’s kind of hard to find someone to connect with. Maybe if I show up early and find a connection with someone there before the whole shindig starts, things might be different. Maybe if I find that right girl who doesn’t mind flirting, things might be different; that girl with the chemistry, that other flirt….maybe things will be different.

Who knows, maybe with my new found self..things might be easy. I’ll be the chatty guy who never shuts up, being the smart ass that I am, making them laugh, insulting others who do not understand my sense of humor…it’ll be grand. It’ll be great. I can’t wait.

* * *

I’ve been itching to get back into photography again and to get back into hiking again. It’s been a while since I’ve done both, a very long while since I’ve done both. Maybe this weekend, I could get back into my photography habit again. It’s as good of a time as any, a wedding and a party and all. Maybe I could get some nice pictures, some nice candids. Who knows?

As for hiking…I guess that will come when it comes. Maybe when the weather gets cooler. Malibu Creek, Santa Monica Mountains, Topanga Canyon. I have so many options and places that I need to take advantage of. Maybe I’ll ask a friend of mine if she has any recommendations.

All I know is that I need to start doing something more active. I have no desire to play basketball anymore, but I’ll go out next week maybe just to meet up with that particular friend that I haven’t seen in a couple of months. Maybe we haven’t lost that spark between us after all, but again, we are both flirts. Flirts flirt. So would flirts ever lose that spark even though they haven’t seen each other in over 9 months?

* * *

So I never got a chance to ask about Smiley Face last night. Didn’t get a chance at all and I didn’t want to. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk about my little predicament; I did, I really did, but circumstances prevented that from happening. We were in deep discussion our her predicament and my puppy love didn’t really have a place in a conversation like that…and besides, I was angry.

But apparently the next time we meet, I will be the one being interrogated. I guess that would be a good time as any to discuss Smiley Face. It would be a good time.

I’m sure I will be discussing the other situation with Suong this weekend, even though I told my friend I wouldn’t talk about it. I got to find a way to not talk about it, but talk about it. Maybe things will be easy and that things will be discussed already, but my friend told me that things were never discussed between the two. It was a baby sitting fest during their last get together.

Maybe…maybe. Again, things just seem to be happening just a little too soon.