How far do we go for something like this? How much are we willing to sacrifice to make that kind of connection with that someone to do that something to do whatever it is that we must do to do what it is that we want to do? How we must jibjab the nonsensical to clear our conscience of the things that forever cloud our mind? How much gibberish is there?

There is a great distance between us. Will this distance ever shrink? Will it ever come of a comfortable distance that we are both looking for? Are you hoping that it would be longer or are you like me, secretly hoping for a shorter one?

I just sit here doing my usual routine with a cup of orange juice because why not? I just sit here thinking how things transpired between us and how the day went with the flying paper clips and the supersonic nuts…

I just sit here rethinking the day, the week, the month, and I just have to say that there’s no bigger smile on my face than when I’m just thinking about our time together.

It put that little look of private lost happiness that rarely surfaces on my face and people question what it is that puts that mysterious look on my face. I tell them nothing for it is not for them to know. It is all I need to think about to get me through the day.

But the day progresses and day turns into night and night turns into dawn and I just sit and wonder, sit and think, sit and sit, and all there is for me to do is to write and put these private lost happy thoughts into the cryptic words that I usually do.

About 1500 miles lie between us. Buildings and empty space. Concrete and grass. Dirt and sand. Heat heat heat. A oasis of mirage and illusion that lies between us. We are two specs of sand in a vast dessert, separated by nothing but other specs…lost to each other.

To find each other will prove the existence of fate and destiny….God, some might dare to say. To find each other will be a miracle in itself.

I met a person that was deemed a match yesterday and it was all business down to the formal handshakes when we introduced each other and when we parted ways. We each kept our space of professional courtesy and slowly dissect our lives and our thoughts that way. What was to be a meeting of like minds turned into a meeting of like minds but without the chemistry and the constant flirting of co-habitable like minds.

I am too laid back and too much of an apathetic slacker to be anything that may seem attractive in your eyes. You are too much of the businesswoman to be the woman that I want to play with.

Whether things will continue with us, I have no idea. I guess if we talk we will talk through the void like we usually do…but maybe the stake has finally met its final resting ground in the heart of this never begun relationship. Things just didn’t spark like the chemistry wasn’t there with Rocky’s wife. There’s just nothing there…business is business.

Now I sit here just typing away stealing glances at the people around me. The one who I usually see in here with the laptop and the internet is talking to the young young young college girl who just wants to make it through school, as the other more quiet antisocial girl…the cute coffee girl that I see often works and keeps busy to pass the time. She hides behind the counter cleaning this, moving that, doing whatever, and never stops to take a breather.

The young college girl in her cute cons and her bootleg jeans..way too cute and hot by the way…sits so intuned in the conversation with the creepy internet guy, that it just seems like she maybe interested.

But I sit and type and look at the sunflowers that sit so pretty at the counter. So bright and exuberant in color like its name sake. It’s not hard to smile at something like that. Hard not to.

I reached out to you tonight. I reached out to you. I was nervous and reserved and quiet in my thoughts…these were the thoughts of private lost happiness that piqued the interests of others to know what it is that was bothering me. My outreach to you was what I kept a secret from the others.

I know that it is right for me to do what I did. I know that was the best thing I could do and that was to act. I had to act like life been telling me to act. I bit the bullet and reached out to you…just with simple words and questions…That is how things should go…simply.

I sit here nervous as to expect a response. Will it be soon or will I have to play the waiting game? Will you know who it is when you see my name or will you treat it as a solicitor and trash it like normal folks do?

I was funny and kind and sincere in my words to you. I was my usual self with a bit of smart derriere in tone…to keep it light and relaxed.

But all in all, I really don’t know what it is that I want. Did I fall for her, not for her charms, but because of the distance between us? Did I fall for her because I know that there was no chance for her to come back here and be with me…did I fall for her because she’s safe?

I see that she’s cute, hot to my eyes….her smile just melts whatever icing there is in me…but are those really the reasons or is it really for the reason I listed above….I will never know.

I am alone now in the coffee shop..almost around the time that I usually go…but should I go now? I need to be up early tomorrow to drive a long way to take part in the writers group that I am a part of. I will drive to a city that I’ve never been and afterwards, hang out with a long lost cousin that I barely know. That should be interesting to say the least…Very interesting.

Flirting. My drug of choice. Flirting. It never ends. It never ends. I do it so effortlessly and with such pleasure today and almost everyday that I am at work. It works easier, so much easier, when she is willing to participate in these little games that I play. The paper clip tossing, the sly word play and the innuendo in the window that makes her blush her cute blush.

The slight touches and hand holding, ass slapping, and just plain playing that we do so often. Chemistry is what we have. Chemistry is just so apparent that it is hard to miss. You play it off like we don’t, but deep inside, you know we do. You know we do. We work well together. You get me at work, and I get you at work. That’s where our relationship stand. That’s where we should be.