Well all, it’s been a while since I’ve just written anything that was just about me. It’s been a while since I’ve written anything that wasn’t drab prose or incoherent ramblings about nothing or something that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It’s been a while.

What has been happening in the past couple of months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, milliseconds….Well, lots, and not lots.

A lot of things are happening. There are things that are happening that I really don’t want to get into in such a public forum; spats here and there and other personal matters that are best left for private eyes. Well it is just one spat and everything else is fair game.

A couple of weeks ago, I went back to Washington. I went home. It was the first time since my father’s memorial, which was about half a year ago. For the most part, it was an enjoyable time. It was a nice time.

It was great to see family again. It was fantastic to see how the new generation of the Ho family has grown and how much of a wonder they are. The babies are still as adorable as ever.

Everyone else seems to have their own separate lives that are a mystery to all. There was a moment where I actually regretted moving down here to begin with. There I was sitting catching up with my cousins, catching up with family and it just hit me that I’ve missed so much of what have been going on with family. I’ve missed being a part of their lives, knowing what they’ve all been up to, being in touch with their kids.

I felt like a stranger trying so hard to fit in in a tight knit group. I’ve become the outsider that I’ve always considered myself to be.

But then, I realized that is what happens when people get older. They disconnect with things that were familiar to them and they make new connections. I’ve made many new connections down here, many. If I had to do it all over again, I would make the same decision.

There were a lot of missed connections that were being fixed when I was up there. Every time I go up there, it seems like most of my time up there is there repairing that connection. The formalities of catching up for the past six months, the past year, the past two years, the past life time. But there’s just not ever enough time to catch up so it is a never-ending cycle of catching up and getting to know each other again.

With the mending of missed connections, there are times when old strong connections tend to snap without any warning or notice. This did happen and I do not want to go into details. Do I regret that it happened? At times I do, and others I really don’t care, cause everything is just so ridiculous. It’s a long and complicated story in which I don’t think there will ever be a reconciliation. At the moment, it is better to leave things be and try not to force things. When she comes around, she’ll come around.

I know I’ve written about this already a long whiles ago, but it does seem that things are just falling into place with me. I feel so much better about myself; things are just so much better. I am so much happier. I’m more comfortable in my own skin, I’m finally finding myself and finding I have a direction in life.

Being up there, it just made me realize that again. Especially about one particular aspect of my life, my social life, or in my case, the lack there of. Sure this change in my socialness or my confidence in these matters sort of came to place after my grand gesture to that one girl, but, I don’t know, doing it, it just gave me the confidence that I needed. I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but I guess it is this. I know that if I do meet that one girl or a girl that just drives me bonkers and gaga, I know that I’m not afraid to ask her out and do something, well maybe not. More on this later. Now, my only problem is, when and how am I going to find that girl.

How did being up there make me remember how my life is coming together in the social aspect? Well, I’ve written about it. That little short story/prose exercise about me driving to Starbucks and seeing a few girls check me out…that was a true story. All my life, I just don’t think I ever noticed or ever realize if any girl have ever checked me out. I don’t think they ever would give me a second glace. Not at all, but to have three do it in one night in a span of a half an hour. It was uplifting.

A few weeks ago on a Friday, I went to the laundromat. I usually go on the weekends, but I know I was going to be busy this particular weekend so I went on Friday. I walked into the laundromat and noticed this particular cute blonde girl just sitting on the empty bench waiting for her laundry to finish. She looked up and we made eye contact. I smiled and she smiled. A connection. I continue to unload my laundry and I look over and I notice a homeless man sitting next to her, talking. I’m assuming that he’s trying to pick her up, so I let it be. It actually made me laugh to see that. I saw how uncomfortable she was just sitting there. She had her finger under her nose, because he’s not very sure, and she’s suppressing a smile, laughing at her own misery. She looked up at me and saw me looking at her. She saw me laugh at how ridiculous and funny I find the situation, she laughed to. Being me, I continued unloading my laundry.

About a minute later, I look back. Another guy was sitting on her other side and the homeless man is still making his move. Oh how I felt for this poor girl. She just wanted to do her laundry, to keep to herself and to be left alone, but that is not the case. Not tonight. I started to laugh again, and after she looked up and saw me, she laughed to. We kept making eye contact and I just kept laughing. I continued my laundry. Finally, I noticed her get up and leave the situation. We looked at each other again. I said to her, “Good, you got up.” She replied, “You just sat there and laughed,” or something along those lines. She had a smile on her face, not making it more than what it was. She walked over to her dryer and watched her clothes dry.

Finished unloading the laundry, I went out to my car to put the detergent back in the trunk and to grab a magazine from my car. Coming back, I was on the phone and I walked by her as she went out one door. I would have gone through that door and opened the door open for her, but there were a bunch of runt kids running around, and besides, I was on the phone.

Back in the laundromat, I sat where she sat when I first saw her. I looked around for her. She was at the arcade, playing a game of bowling I believe. Finished, she sat down a few feet away from me. I looked up and smiled as she walked by, she did the same. But this is where I made the mistake of resorting to my old self. I didn’t talk to her. I didn’t say a word. I just continued reading my magazine and there she sat, just waiting, waiting for her laundry to get finished, waiting for me to say something; just waiting. I think she sat there for a total of 30 seconds, then she got up and left. I guess her laundry was finished.

Now, with her laundry done, folded so nicely and placed in her basket, she’s ready to leave. I looked just in time to see her head for the door. She looked at me and again, I looked back. We smiled our best, then she did something I didn’t expect. She waved at me. She waved goodbye. She waved at a total stranger who she knows nothing about but that she shared a funny moment with. She waved at me. Thinking back, I don’t remember a time when I was waved to by a girl who I’ve just barely met and just barely talked to.

I made a mistake that night in which I wished I could take back. I wished I had talked to her; make conversation, even if it is only the dreaded small talk that I so hate. I wish I had made a move. I didn’t. I just sat there reading a magazine in which I could read later. I regretted my lack of action. I’ve been going back to the laundromat every Friday since then hoping that I’ll see her again, just hoping, but she never showed. I lost my chance.

Besides my lost connections when it comes to love, what else have been happening in my life? The life that I wanted, the pursuit of my dream has finally taken place. I am back on track again, and it is keeping me busy. I’m so focused on it, I haven’t had much time to focus on other aspects of my life, which is good I guess. The less I focus on my lack of social life, the better I think.

Well, I’m writing again. I’m writing a new script. I’m really excited about this one. I really am, but I’m stuck. I’ve reached the second act and am not sure on how I should approach it. I came out here tonight to write more, but I couldn’t focus, so I’m writing this entry as an exercise to get my creative juices flowing. Maybe tomorrow I could continue.

I’m not sure if I’ve written about this, but I am going to shoot my first movie. My short, Passion Fruit. I’ve already found the actor and had auditions to find the actress and selected her already. Scott, my creative partner, is helping me produce this short. This is going to happen and I am so excited about it. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I’m actually going to shoot something; I’m actually going to do what I’ve set out to do so long ago. I finally have direction.

After this little film, what else will happen? Scott and I have already planned to adapt one of Stephen King’s short stories and turn that into a short film. I don’t know which one yet, but it is on our list of projects that we will be doing. It is just so far ahead, that I’m not sure when it will happen.

Also, after going to a play that a mutual friend of ours took part in, Scott and I decided that we each are going to write our own one-man show or our own play and will perform it. It was more out of hatred of the last play that we’ve seen that night (not written by our friend) than anything else. But I’m excited about this too. I’ve never acted before and getting in front of a bunch of people is scary. There are no take backs on stage, no retakes, just the pressure of getting it right the first time out. We are going to do it for one night only. It is going to be a one night only performance, because if it sucks, if we suck, we don’t have to do it again. It’s going to be a wild ride. I got to start thinking about what I’m going to do for the play. Any ideas?

All right, I think that is enough for tonight, and besides, I really gots to pee. Again, most likely on a later date near year’s end, I will write another entry, reflecting on this past year. It will be in the same vain that I’ve written last year, but it will be happier.

Until next time, enjoy my trials and failed attempts at courting, revel in my happiness.