Life. It’s a bitch. But you can’t tell yourself that you aren’t happy to have lived it. This is what life is, a roller coaster ride.

It’s tough and unfair you mght say. Where or when will things get better, you might ask. I can’t answer that. You just have to go on living and find out yourself.

You told me that you aren’t afraid of anything. Where have that confidence gone or were you kidding yourself?

Just let it be. As corny as it sounds, if life throws you lemons, make lemonade, or better yet, margaritas. Make the best of what you got.

Sure you don’t go out, sure you don’t like to socialize, but you know you do all of these things well. You are just particular. Trying to wrap your mind around your ultimate ambivalance, no wait, disappointment in your life.

You don’t have a girlfriend, why? Because she doesn’t like you, you say. No, it’s because you don’t make an effort to woo her or you don’t make an effort to find someone else.

You don’t like to go out. I don’t blame you, but you do go out, only when you want to , and only when you like what you are going to be doing.

You don’t like to socialize, you are antisocial, as you would state to everyone. Well, you are not. Yes, it does take work. Yes, it does get uncomfortable, but you know, you do really well. As long as you have some input on what is being talked about or what you will be doing, as long as you have a choice, be involved; you do wonderfully fine, well, fantabulous.

Oh, such a strange one you are. Building little white lies or quirks about yourself to explain your odd temperaments. So weird. So strange, yet so typical and normal of everyone else.

How emotionally detached you say you are. Nope, you are all emotions. These pages, other books, your tears, your anger, your frustrations. All emotions. You are one of the most emotional person I know. You let your emotions run wild and that makes you impulsive. Acting on emotions. Such a shame, such a mistake. Take a step back. Open your eyes and see. Think things through. Don’t rush into things.

I know you say you like spontaneity, but you also like this structure. You lived your life structured and the spontaneous events are the ones that stick in your head, memories. If you lived you life spontaneous like the way you dreamed it to be, you would find it boring and typical like your days now. You will only be thinking about the boring, mundane structured life.