Love. I speak a lot about it in my journal, but I never really talk about love, and my beliefs and my philosophies of love.

Love. What is it? What does it mean to me? Well, obviously it means a lot. There is not one minute of every day that it is not in my mind in one for or another. Whether it is in the back of my head or the forefront of my mind. What it is so hard for me to put into words. What I feel or how it just occupies my mind on a constant basis, it is just hard to relay into words.

Love. Love for me, I guess, is just to be with someone. Someone who understands you. A person, a girl in my case, that you just can’t stand to be without our apart of cause you have a sense of security around them. You feel safe, not because she can protect you. No, it’s much more than that. It is more about her finding you. You fit next to her. You know who you are around her, you know where you are, where you are going, and you finally make some sense of where you have been. I believe being in love with a person can bring that to a person. No sense of loneliness, no sense of being lost, cause you are found, not only by her, but most importantly, by yourself. You found yourself and understand yourself.

Love. It is not physical. Not one bit. It is all emotional, all mental. You don’t have to be with some one physically to be in love with them. All you need is just a mental connection, a connection of the mind. Just a look and you understand what she is thinking. No words need to be passed.

Love. The first thing that clicks is the mental thing. For some, it maybe the physical, but I believe for me, it is the mental connection above all…..

I know many of you probably do not agree what I wrote here or maybe don’t understand what I wrote here. I just find it very difficult for me to put these feelings into words. These ideals which I think of every day, I should be so familiar with, so comfortable with, I should be able to put them into words. Describe the feelings that I long for. I just couldn’t. I can’t. I’ve lost my focus.

* * *
Here is something that I’ve known about myself for a while now. I just thought that it would be nice to share. How I treat girls, how I interact with them. They fall into different classifications. There is about 3 different classes I believe. There are girls I treat much differently than others. I would like to disclose my little code right now. Sometimes you can’t really decipher, cause these are really subtle differences. Many may not even see the differences.

Girls I don’t like:
I really don’t interact with. I am courteous to them, but most of all, I really don’t interact with them that much. I rarely converse with them at all. If they do attempt to make conversation with me, I’ll be courteous and go along with it, but mostly, when it is over, it is over.

Friends
Friends are simple. I joke with them more, I get crude, I become an asshole or a prick. I pick on them. I’m nice, but I can be a prick, and be a little mean. A playful mean, a joking mean, not a mean mean. It’s because I’m not attracted to them, or that I do not see them in that way, I am free to pick on them. There’s no pressure for me to impress them or be nice to them because for me, there really isn’t anything there. I don’t see them that way. Sometimes, things do evolve, but that rarely happens. I believe there was only one that evolved from that.

Girls I like
Girls I like are friends, but with the picking and the prick factor dialed down a little bit, not much, but a little bit. I don’t pick on them that much, I’m not as mean to them. I’m much nicer, more genuine and sincere. That’s it. Sometimes, it is hard to decipher. I’m sure there are other signs that I am not aware of, some mannerisms that come through that show them and others that I like them. Maybe I’ll be aware of them later.

That is it. Simple. I’m going to pay dearly for putting this up, but hey it is up.