It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. Why? I don’t know. Actually I do. It is not that I don’t have anything to write or to say, but it is more that I have no motivation to do anything anymore. Getting out of bed has been a chore lately. It just seems that when I wake up in the morning, I’m more tired than when I went to bed. Also, the weather hasn’t been really good down here lately. It is getting dark earlier and earlier. Waking up in the dark just makes you want to stay in bed. Thick clouds cover the blue skies every morning. It just brings me back to the times when I was up north, dreading another cloudy and depressing day. That is pretty much how things are now.

Honestly, where is my motivation to do anything? I keep thinking, dreaming, of all of these things that will happen if only I do them. Still, that’s no movtivation for me to do anything. To get up and go. I just go through a dreadful daily routine of work and home, with the occasional outing here and there. There’s really nothing inspriational or special in my life.

Sure there will be times when I have a good day, which means, I’ve had a great day with some one, just talking and getting to know each other, but it seems those days are few and far between. Sometimes, it just seems that those days don’t happen anymore. Shoot, there are even days when I feel that I’m taking a few steps backwards with some people. Instead of getting closer and building a connection, I am growing distant and severing our ties.

I’m tired. I’m just tired of everything. I’m tired of games, of rules, of restrictions. And I’ve always been afraid to break the rules. I’m always afraid to take risks. Maybe if I keep busy, keep my mind on other things, that may help.

So I just signed up for two new classes that starts in the next few weeks. One I would greatly enjoy, and the other I would absolutely hate. A painting class and a creative writing class. Could you tell which one I would enjoy better?

I love art, all aspects of art. I’ve always wanted to paint, but I’ve never had a chance. I’m doing it now. It will keep me busy. I’ve done drawing, now photography, but never painting. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. Just want to build my repertoire when it comes to art. I’ve always believed that I’ll be a good painter, and now I can actually see if I am right. I think I can do well, cause when it comes to visual art, I’m okay at it.

Now creative writing class. It was either this or a screenwriting class. I think I should start with the fundamentals first and take a creative writing class, and here I am. I don’t think I will enjoy this at all, given my utter disdain for writing. But it will help in the overall scheme of things. It’ll teach me how to develop a story, build character, find my voice; things I need to know when it comes to constructing a story in a script and ultimately in film. Also, it will get me to write more. Again, I’m lazy. I usually don’t do anything unless someone tells me too.

I’ve also taken a few more pictures. These are a little more interesting, a little more abstract. Once I get them posted up at my other website, I’ll let you all know. A friend of mine says they are very good, and there are a few in there that I do like. Hopefully some of you might like them also. I’ve also got some pictures of people from work, but I don’t think I’ll post those. Not sure if they’d like me posting their mugs on the web for all to see.

Which gets me to thinking that I really need to take more pictures. All this time, I’ve been taking color pictures, and ever single picture that I’ve seen and enjoyed, they are in black and white. I am going to start shooting black and white for now on. No more color. No more color. No more color. Color is boring.