In the next couple of weeks, I will be going home once again. I’m just going home for the weekend, nothing more and nothing less.

My mom wants me back for a thing for my father, and I really needed a break from some things down here.

So I’m flying back.

I never thought I would go back so soon. I always thought that I would go back around Christmas time. But I guess things change, plans change.

How do I feel? I don’t know. I don’t know how I am going to feel when I get back there. All I know now is that I need it. I want to see family again, see the kids, hang out and catch up with everyone.

Play some golf. It is the only time I ever play.

I think things might be a little tough for me when I get up there. Going to have those feelings of abandoning my family again. My mom has been laying the guilt trip on me nice and heavy. As many of you may know, she wants me back. She doesn’t feel comfortable with me down here alone. I don’t think many mothers do. She just doesn’t understand that I like it down here, and I like it alone. I’m a weird one, what can I say.

Kate and I were talking about this the other day. I didn’t know I am still so emotional about it. I almost lost it in front of her, but I gathered myself up. I lost it in the bathroom a few minutes later. I couldn’t believe it. It has been a few weeks since the last time. I guess I’m still not over it yet. Well grant it that it has been less than 100 days since my father passed away. I guess that is okay.

I’ll be flying up there on the night of the 14th of August. I’m flying back Monday afternoon.

Well I am going to a party tomorrow night. It is Duwi’s party. She’s an “ol’ hen” from work. Not that old, mid 30s I would say. She’s the one that I have the sibling type relationship with. It is her boyfriend’s belated birthday party. She’s been telling me about it for the past couple weeks, and she is very insistent that I go. Joe, another guy from work, is going also. Duwi is having him pick me up, so I don’t have to drive home drunk. She wants me to get drunk and shit faced so I would dance. Not a good idea, cause I’ll probably just laugh my ass off. I get that way when I’m drunk

She is worried that I will not show up. Her boyfriend really wants to meet me because she’s been telling him all about her “chinese boy toy” from work. She thinks that we’ll get along, talking shit about her. It should be fun, I hope.

Some family is coming down to visit during that week that I am to leave for Washington. They are planning on visiting me and going to Disneyland. I hope they make it before I leave. I’ll be taking a day off when they get down here for the Disneyland trip. If I have a good reason to ditch work, I am going to use it. This is a good reason.

Writing seems to be getting harder for me. Keeping this journal seems to be getting tougher. I guess it is more about the content I want to put in here. Ever since I started to post private entries, they just seem more interesting. There are many things I want to write, it is just that using just pronouns and no proper names can get tedious and confusing. So I might just start writing everything out in private entries. Little things, special things that just made my day and I wouldn’t have to use pronouns to confuse myself.

I’ll try to keep up with the public entries from time to time. I hope.

Well it seems that I’ve been being private or semi private for the past few days.

I’ve been wirting private entries in my journal lately. Some of them are viewable to my friends on live journal, but there are some that are private.

It’s not that I’m trying to keep secrets from anyone, it is just that there are things that I don’t wish certain people to see. Some of them have to deal with my feelings and other things that is happening in my life, but it really isn’t anything I wouldn’t share. I just sort of did it to protect my ass I guess.

Looking through some of the journals that are posted here, many of them are private journals or semi private journals. I never personally thought I would write a private or even a semi private entry, but I guess there is a first for everything.

I use to keep a journal, written out by hand. It contained a lot more personal stuff than anything I have ever put in here, well except for some of the earlier entries. But I stopped a while ago. I got bored, and it was mostly depressing stuff. It was a mixture of feelings along with what has been happening in my day, and I have to say, when you live a boring life that I live, there really isn’t much to write about and it doesn’t make an interesting read.

The things I usually post here aren’t really about what is happening in my life. No daily entries of me sitting at my desk, doing my work, working working working. That would be boring, and I know now that I am writing to an audience, so I just write about my thoughts and my feelings, or whatever that is interesting to me.

Sometimes I would like to think that my family is reading it, and I would just like to let them know that I am okay.

Anywho, it’s been a really really long and tiring and emotional week for me. I think I’ll just end it here.