I got belligerent with Duwi. I was picking a fight with her, and I think I offended her. She genuinely care about me, I know that. Many people do. She wants to take care of me. What she doesn’t understand is that I need space. That is me. I don’t want help. I just want people to give me space when I need space.

I don’t know what happened. I was in a bad mood to begin with at happy hour. I was getting moodier and moodier by the minute. I was in that bitchy mood that I can get into. I guess it was what Duwi did that set me off. She’s cleaning up after me. I don’t need that. I don’t want that. I guess that is what started the whole thing.

On the drive home from happy hour, we went to Big 5 to pick up a pair of shoes. I just went off. I gave her attitude. I became belligerent. I am a belligerent fool, drunk. That is something that I do not want to be ever.

She sees me as a person who needs help, and she thinks she can help me by babying me. That is not what I want. If I wanted that, I would have moved home, not come down here. I need space. Some people just don’t understand that.

So at work, I was in a bad mood already. Things were going terrible. Then Monica.

I told Duwi what Monica told me about her being pushy yesterday morning. I just wanted to let Duwi know to tone down her approach a little bit. Duwi apologize to Monica this morning.

Monica called me out. She didn’t appreciate what I did. I hurt, offended her. I just about lost it then. I couldn’t handle that along with the whole Duwi thing. Monica and I almost got in an argument in front of Nick too. She didn’t appreciate what I did, and now Duwi is beign a little cold to her. I explained to Monica that Duwi is cold not because of her, but because of me. I am the cause of the tension. Monica just doesn’t want to get wrapped up in any drama. I apologize again, and told her that it is me that Duwi has a problem with, and I have a problem with myself and what I did to Duwi. It has nothing to do with Monica and what she told me. It was a lie of course. I just totally lost it. I spent about the whole morning crying. I couldn’t keep under control most of the time. I thought about working at home, but I calmed down a little bit. I was still very upset and depressed.

Later, Kate asked me how I was doing and I told her that I’m not doing well. I explained to her what happened between Duwi and I. I didn’t tell her about Monica. Monica stepped out to go to the bathroom also. When Monica came out she asked me what happened. I told her.

That afternoon, for the most part, we got back on track again, but I know that things are different now. I fucked up and I can’t take it back. Even though she said that she’s not mad at me anymore, I fucked up.

I feel better now, but I still have to see what is going to happen for now on. Now I know not to say anything Monica tells me, and I know now not to drink.