…..was a good, yet bad experience for me.

It was good because I had fun, and I was drunk and shit faced. She introduced me, as a drunken slob, to her fiends and family. From what she tells me, they all like me. I was talking and chatting because it was mostly old people there, so there wasn’t pressure for me to impress and socialize with people my age. It was very laid back. I’ve enjoyed myself..for the most part.

Now the bad. The liquor. I had a wee bit too much to drink. I was mixing my hard alcohol, and it turned out to be a bad thing. To much Covassieur (spelling) and vodka, and whiskey. I had enough to be good for the rest of the night. If I continued drinking water, I would have been fine. But then, there were shots. I can never turn down a shot or two or even three. I had three shots of tequila in a span of 4 minutes. I think that was what put me over.

The next thing, I was in the bathroom puking, and cleaning up the bathroom and my pants. Duwi’s friends were a little worried because I locked myself in the bathroom. So I came out, pants with puke on them, sat down on the futon. Her friends put me to sleep. That was around midnight. The party went on for another 3 hours.

I feel so bad. I dirtied their little bath mat, two of them actually. I dirtied their bathroom. I was so sorry. Oh man, I just lost control.

I have a tendency to do that when I’m around alcohol. I don’t know why. I just need to learn how to pace myself I guess.

Duwi, my surrogate mother down here, she said she was worried about me. She was the host of the party, and when I was sleeping, she didn’t know where I was. I think her friends told her what happened and where I was.

Apparently, around 2:00 am, she came in to check on me. I guess I was sleeping in a awkward position so she came and adjusted me, to make me comfortable. As she was doing it, she said I was saying sorry sorry sorry to her. Honest to god, I don’t remember that.

I have never passed out from alcohol before. I never have. That was my first time.

I think I went into the party with a alterior motive. I think I knew I was going to get shit faced and drunk. I didn’t have to drive, and my ride left, so I was going to spend the night anyway.

A part of me, deep down inside, wanted to get drunk and shitface. I wanted to be numb. Ever since my dad passed away, around that time, this is something that I really really wanted to do. I never got a chance. I didn’t want to do it up there with my mom there. She didn’t know I drink at that time. I just wanted to numb myself. Then when I got back down here, no opportunities presented itself. I had one, but I had to drive home so I couldn’t drink much.

I did it Saturday night. Was it worth it? No. I still feel the same way. It’s not going to go away, and no amount of drowning my sorrows in alcohol is going to change that. When I woke up that morning, at my friends house; a friend who I’ve only known for three months, and who is so hospitable, I just felt really sorry for what I did. I thought about my dad, and why was I being so stupid and drinking myself into a drunken stupor. I cried. Oh foolish foolish little ol’ me.

Then Duwi came, and we just started to talk. We talked about many things that monring, and many things that day. About work, life, girls, so on and so forth.

I honestly have to say, I haven’t connected with a person that fast before, but I am noticing that I am doing it quite al lot with many people at work. Maybe I’m just getting more social, or maybe it is just my confidence building up. All I know is that I’ve changed.

I just wonder, are things going to continue to change or has they stop?