..procrastinating.

Like I said, I am supposed to have my script done tomorrow night for you all. Which means I should have finished it tonight and proofread it tomorrow and revised anything that didn’t work. Well I usually don’t revise, especially the first draft cause I actualy revise as I go, so basically I just need to proof it over when I’m finished. But here I am, procrastinating, sitting in front of my computer, actually lounging in front of my computer, listening to my library of mp3s, not writing a word.

I have everything in my head. There is about 6 scense left to write in about 10 pages. I’m on page 18 now, yet, I can’t write. That’s how it usually is with me. Even with the script I’m rewriting, everything is in my head. I know how it should go, what to write. I could see the movie in my head, scene for scene, but I can’t write it. I can’t put it into words. I’m not inspiired, or maybe I’m scared to finish it. Don’t know why I’m scared. Or maybe I think I’m a terrible writer. Even now, I still have problems with simple grammar. Bad grammar, that is my downfall. Monica and I joke about me taking grammar classes at the local community college. That is how bad my grammar is. It could be that, or I’m scared. And i think it is because I’m scared.

I’m scared that it will not live up to my expectations, or that no one will like it. Like I said last night, I’m sending it to a producer and a friend of mine has already produced, shot, and directed a short. I’m sending it to him also, and another friend who write scripts. Also, I’m sending it to friends that never read my stuff before. It is quite daunting to send friends you hardly know, or just send stuff that you like, or even love to people to read. I’m just afraid to hear what they think. I’m just afraid to get a bad review.

From what I have, I have to say, this is the best thing I’ve written. That is saying a lot. The dialogue is cheesey and bad, yes; that is my major weakness in scripting. But I have to say, it is not as bad as the dialogue in my features. Structure, there is actually structure. The script actually builds up to a climax. The structure is fine, everything is fine, but I’m still scared, cause it is so close to being finished.

Again, I thought of this script months ago, and really thought it through, well not all the way through. I thought about the major plot points and certain scenes and how they should happen, and there are other stuff that I just added to make the script flow better and build more tension. Other than that, not much have changed from then, except the ending, but the essence of the piece is still there from the beginning. An observation of a family. This one actually lived up to my expectations without changing much. My other scripts changed as I went through the writing process; I thought of something else to add, or took it in another direction than I originally intended. This one I stuck with it.

Since conception, I knew this would be the first film of mine that I will produce and shoot. I just don’t know when, but I knew this will be my piece, my calling card. Mr. Carver estimated with his film that it is $1,000 a minute. My script is aiming to be 25-30 minutes, which mean big bucks. I don’t have that kind of money, but I have faith that something will happen and it will get made. Keep in mind that this is only the first draft. To me, everything that I placed in the script has a purpose, is there and cannot be excised. That is the mentality of a writer; it is tough to cut what you write and love.

I know that there will be subsequent drafts that will slim down the script; tighten it up a little bit, to make it flow better. So the costs might drop down a few bucks. Here’s to hopeing.

So I guess I’m writing now to get whatever procrastination I needed to get out of my system. As long as I could get two or three pages out tonight, that will leave me with the 3rd act. Five pages to do tomorrow and I’ll be finished, and my script will face the critics.

Maybe I’m just not depressed enough to write.