I am okay today. It feels good to let everyone in, to let these feelings out. I’m glad I did it.

Now to offer some thanks to some people.

To family, for being there. I thank you. You will always be with me, in everything I do.

Those that wrote me. Thank you. Though we don’t keep in touch as often as we’d all like, I’m really glad to hear from you. I’ll try to take those comforting and consoling words to heart, but it may take time. I will write you back….eventually. I just haven’t gotten to it because honestly, I still can’t get through your words without tears. Until I am able to, you will have to be patient, but just know that I am all right, and I am grateful.

To Mr. Carver, I thank you for whatever it is that you’ve done. I’m sure it is something and I thank you. Your son is just absolutely adorable. Thank you for bringing him in. It really made my day, my week. You really have something there, cherish him.

To Duwi, my new friend. Thanks for the talk and hug.

Dawn, Claude, thank you for the time.

To Stephanie, for clearing my mind and getting things out on the first day. Thank you for being there, for being a friend. I’m glad I’ve met you.

To the fabulous Ella Spink. I can’t think of any words…..but I hope you know how I feel.

Mr. Flavin, thanks for helping me out with my work, and go for it.

The wonderful Ms. Kaplan. Thank you for doing my job, for taking on my duties and helping me out while I was gone. I would have been in trouble if it wasn’t for you. I know I’ve thanked you before, but I just want you to know how grateful and how appreciative I am for what you did. I do hope that one day we will become better friends than we are now.

Finally to the ‘flipper offer of nine year olds’. You know who you are and I’m sure from the content, many others will know also.

There is so much I want to say to you but I just don’t know how. But after a long break from writing, I think I may have found the words that I want to express to you. Don’t worry, it is not one of those letters..that will come later. It is not time to say goodbye yet, but when it is time to say farewell, I will bid you adieu. I was about to take it that way, but I decided not to. It is better to take it in the direction I am taking it in, cause I still need what we have. I can’t let go yet; not just yet.

This is my first week back to work, obviously it was tough. Work piled on my desk, things I need to sort through at work and in my head, many things that needed to be done. But you helped me ease in.

I would like to think we have something special between us. Maybe I have deluded myself into believing that we do, but deep inside, I’m pretty sure we don’t.

Well, you kept my mind off of things I shouldn’t be thinking about. You kept most of my work time, most of the time that we spent together talking about something else. Keeping my mind off of the things that I’ve written about before. You kept me sane. You made me laugh, you made me smile, I was very touched when you asked if I was “OKAY”.

When you told me that you were possessed by your hand and flipped off that nine year old girl (she was nine at the time, honestly she’s not that mean, but now I really think she would flip off a nine year old) it just made me laugh, made me smile, cause honestly it was one of the funniest things that you’ve ever told me. Especially when you told me that your conscience was guilt ridden and you broke down and confessed to your mother, classic.

It was some what personal, on some level it was, and you know how hard it is for me to get anything personal out of you. It is difficult, like a 3 year old trying to twist open a new bottle of pickles, nearly impossible. You told me anyway. It means a lot to me, even though it wasn’t as personal as some other things you’ve told me, but it was enough, it was something about you. You trust me, and most importantly you knew it would make me laugh, and you knew that it is something that I would like to know about you.

Like I told you, I enjoy the time we spend together, I enjoy talking to you, even though our conversations are strictly at work and maybe superficial, about the television shows that we watch, about interesting movies that we’ve seen or want to see, and sometimes about our families. I enjoy it. I have someone to talk to, someone to make me laugh and smile. I have someone to make laugh and to make smile, someone to charm her socks off (you know I’m charming). It is something that I never had before, but now I do. As much as I would like to have this turn into something more, unfortunately it will never happen. I see that now, but can I pretend just a little longer?

Thinking back to the first day I’ve met you, the first day I’ve spoken to you, when I asked you out the first time, and again and again, the silent times we spent together, conversations we had, I’ve come to one conclusion. You are one of the biggest reasons why I’ve found peace in myself. You are one of the reasons why I am happy with myself. You had a hand in shaping me into me. I have to say, I am more confident, bolder, happier than when you first met me. I think you have noticed that also in our conversations in the past couple of months, and especially these past few days. You are the one who did that.

So I, now, want to give you the deepest and the most sincere thank you. Thank you. I hope that we can continue to share these moments even when we part our ways. I mean that.

One final note, everything I told you before I left on Friday, I mean it too.